I'm back and not much better

I'm back from going SIAD because the servers are down so I thought I would repeat back here, my problem hasn't improved and I'm just going through a recurring cycle, this is absolutely horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

OCD has learned me alot about life.
I no know that i should not judge people for what they are, but that they are more then just one thing.
A pshychopath isn't always a killer, a pedophile ins't a rapist and can be a good person aswell, someone that is gay isn't strange not because he has different intrest.
Also, people are worth more then their worst deed. This does not mean tht they shouldn't been punished.

A mistakes has to be corrected with punishment and then be forgiven.
Thy shall grant people a second chance, thyself are a sinner aswell.

OCD has also learned me alot about how people can help and support each other, how good it can feel to be around people that understand you.
I learned alot about how the brain an the human body works, maybe this will be of use one day.
I also know that thoughts are just thoughts, they can be hard but it does not mean that they should be given a meaning.
You can find anything you search, especially when you search what you don't want to find.
An imagination is not the same as a real person, real pshysical contact.

2 words can do more harm then 10 punches in the face.

When one thing doesn't work out the you want it then do something else , something unrelated to that one thing.

When you see a person that laughs alot and laughs with everything, do not be decieved, it isn't always happiness.
Laughter is commonly used as a defense for his/her feelings.


Before my OCD started i was an ignorant kid, i laughed at certain people to "fit in".
I accused and judged people without realy knowing them.
Like "hey she's a slut" while that girl actually is doing that because otherwise her boyfriend would beat her up.
I was "he's gay, he weares pink" while clothes do no define sexual orientation.
I had no idea how the world realy worked, how much other people suffer aswell, how everyone has their own problems, how a single word can hurt so much at times.

OCD opened my eyes and learned me alot, i fought against it so long and the harder i fought., the more i lost.
The enemy of your enemy is your friend.
I shall become friends with my OCD learn to live with it, accept it and give in.
This is the only way to win the endless battle.

you are one of the lucky ones, I'm sure no one else found it that "easy". The only thing wrong with accepting these thoughts is that it is going against what I have fought for 9 months, and this scares me, like giving in means your gay Callum. I know I should accept the possibility, I just, simply, cannot, as I don't even want the slightest possibility I am gay. Eurgh I hate that f******g word

Me ? Lucky?
Hha you don't know what you're saying dude.
Easy? Certainly not.

What i did is came to the realisation of what i am doing, im making myself worse by fighting.
Fighting doesn't help, and i can't call this a life so what do i have to lose ?
And what will worrying change ? Nothing! So we'd better give in and see what time brings.

arghhhh my mind tells me if I give in it means I'm gay, I don't want that??

Stop talking to yourself(mind) lol.

It's the only way, try to not give a $#%^ about your sexual orientation.
There are more things in life then that.

there arent to me I just want to be how I was

Your sexual orientation is still the same as it has always been, it cannot change.
So you are still the same

yeah but theres been stories of men who don't know till their 20's or 30s

They aren't gay.....they are bi .And they did know it.