friendship and ocd

hi just when my ocd was getting bad, i was fearring killing people, being a pedophile, that i was going crazy, having panic attacks.... in high school i met a friend who as i became closer to him everything else seemed to be getting better... i didnt have incredibly scary thoughts my life seemed more normal and everything seemed to be better. however, i began thinking about this friend every second of every day... and over the years we became very close. However gradually as we became closer i dont know how but i became controlling, i wanted to be included in all his plans, i wanted to be told everything by him right away, etc there were so many rules... i had this constant thought that he doesn't really like me... i always ask questions like if i die would you cry or am i your bestfriend? of course he became annoyed, i can only imagine, yet he is still a friend..... i constantly repeat the thing i want him to do in case he forgets and ask him the same questions all the time.... when he hangs out with other ppl and doesnt tell me i am enraged... im a good friend to him beyond reason im not mean or anything... just very insecure and the smallest things he does i will get upset at and think he doesnt consider me or treat me like a bestfriend.... he left for college and became depressed and my old thoughts came back and now i fear i am sexually perverted but for some reason being friends with him alleviated everything yet seemingly my ocd latched onto him... has anyone gone through this? Any help would be nice

Heya,

Just to confirm: This is all past-tense? I mean, this guy is no longer in your life?

I think that you should remember that you are not fundamentally a bad person here ... your obsessive-like mind and fear of rejection are the things that drive you to constantly ask questions such as 'Are you still my best friend?'. This constant need for reassurance about things had to have been born from something. Growing up, did you ever feel abandoned?; or were you actually abandoned as a child by your parents or [other] friends? I must admit to having somethign similar to you, so I can therefore understand what you are going through.

Take care
Kevin

he remains in my life yes so no its not past tense, thanks for replying, well i was never abandoned by my parents and i have always been insecure but i do not remember specifically a time that i was "abandoned"

That was the same problem I had in my last relationship. I was overly controlling. Mostly I was afraid that if I wasn't controlling I would lose him somehow. I always wanted reassurance. Sometimes I think it was my OCD that ruined our relationship, but I know it was more than that and had to do with his issues as well.

Does he know you have OCD? It might help if you tell him. At least then he will know why you are acting like that. There is a good book called The boy who couldn't stop washing. You should buy a copy for yourself and one for him. If you want him to understand you, that book will help explain it better than you will be able to.

Have you considered medication/and or therapy?

i have told him i had ocd, he was very kind about it but he doesn't really understand it, its not his fault really he just thinks its basically being a germaphobe... obviously its much more than that but i think that telling him was a good thing to do.... i just feel like everytime he hangs out without me like he doesnt like me etc... i will definitely look into that book thanks! i've started meds but they arent helping neither is cbt