I´m new too

Hi everyone,

Mabye I should start with introducing nyself a little. I am a twenty-three year old girl from Sweden. My name is Lovisa and I have suffered from ocd more or less my entire life.

My story:
Well, I was always a very worried child. I was very sensitive but instead of showing it I acted tuff. The truth though is, as I am coming to realise, I so many times, despised myself. Why? For several reasons. I have always had the feeling that I was this big horrible person who you had to watch out for or I would hurt you. Of course I am nothing like that, one of my worst fears in life is to hurt someone. Anyway this is how I still often view myself and as I feel big and bad I think other people are all pure and innocent. It´s weird.
When I was about ten I had one of the worst times in my life. My sister had just had a baby and my ocd was all about protecting her baby. My ocd kept on takeing all sorts of weird twists and finaly at the age of well... fifteen I had my first panic attack and I seriously believed I would go crazy. I kept haveing attacks and after several episodes and lots of anxiety I told my mom. I must have really scared her because I did not know how to explain what was wrong. Not until very much later though she helped me contact a psyciatrice. And I had to go through some of them to find one that I really liked. But I strongly recommend it.

Now I have been seeing a psyciatrice for seven years just as long as I have been medicating. This spring however I ended it with my psyciatrice because I was moving.
Now I am trying to get by on my own and also I have moved to another city to study. That is where I an right now.

Take care, everyone.

I am an OCD sufferer with Anxiety and extreme depression.

Guess what? I have stayed the opposite end...

The more I worry... the more I think disaster is coming.

Again, I know nothing like that will happen... but... My thoughts go so fast that I wonder....

Instead of acting tuff...i put a pretend "force field" of Mochism...

THen..I'm sensative and nice..unles a guy is around..and "Hey wahat's up?"

The hey..what's up guy? syndrum...

I have OCD all my life.

Do you have a ritual?

OCD can come with out it..all in your mind...but, it is their...

When you say hurt someone..physically or emotionally?

We have the same disorder so maybe I can help and maybe you can help me?

Who knows..that's what the forums are for?

Right?

Hi there,

Yes we should help each other.
When I say hurt someone I mean emotionally but I have a lot of fear about hurting someone physically you know even though I know I would not. Obsessions..

I did not really undersatand everything in your letter, what did you mean by "Hey, what´s up". Did you mean you have to say that when you meet a guy?

I do not have any like particular rituals really... or yes I do but they are not always the same and no I find them everywhere not only in particular places or during particular occations you know. I have always felt wierd about that because when you read brouschors (hard word to spell) people always seem to have special things like obsessive waching and stuff I don´t. But you say there are people like me then? Or how did you mean?

Take care now!

Anonymous wrote:Hi there,

Yes we should help each other.
When I say hurt someone I mean emotionally but I have a lot of fear about hurting someone physically you know even though I know I would not. Obsessions..

I did not really undersatand everything in your letter, what did you mean by "Hey, what´s up". Did you mean you have to say that when you meet a guy?

I do not have any like particular rituals really... or yes I do but they are not always the same and no I find them everywhere not only in particular places or during particular occations you know. I have always felt wierd about that because when you read brouschors (hard word to spell) people always seem to have special things like obsessive waching and stuff I don´t. But you say there are people like me then? Or how did you mean?

Take care now!

Don't get nervous about quoting. For me it's so I can see and answer questions. Sometimes you get bad or strange answers.

It's normal.

NO ONE is a "schrink"...so they reply on feelings!

Can I put some ideas down for thoughts?

Could you be afraid of making pain...emotionally...then so much..you feel you might act out?

I'm opposite..so I am just turning myself inside out to see if things make sense.

I talk metaphorically...cause I'm a writer.

You have already admitted that, "Even though you would not?" Very important to know yourself with OCD."

People like you? There are OCD sufferers who have no physical ritual. Washing, cleaning..physical stuff...but..it can come in the minutist of places. "You have them comming in (rituals in different places." Maybe the rituals are so small, that you might not notice.

Example:

A person lives in a family they love and before bed, checks out to make sure that all the doors are locked for everyone safety. This person is thinking of other stuff...but they check the front, back and the sidedoor and, maybe sliding glass door. Nothing ritual there.

But, as they go on in their thoughts, everydoor knob is trurned three times...each one. Or maybe another pattern. One.. then three..then two...get the idea.

Then some realizes this. (MOST would never! Just hypothetical!)

"Do it once for each door!"

This get's interesting. As the person does one..and one on another.. three comes. This person...noticing says you did it three times.

"No, I didn't!"

Try it again..concentrate. This time..it's harder.

You check each knob once and by the time you are done...you angry and upset and don't know you are.

This takes time to know how it effects you and patient person.

As you do it again..you realize that if you do it once..EVERYTIME..you get nervous and don't feel safe and want to check the doors again.

Why?

First, a hidden ritual...you never knew..yet, you are beyond point and know several.

What are rituals?

Try to not do something you do that you think is ritual and feel the effects. IF you become axious..irritable.. you are doing it to stop and anxiety. Sometimes it takes devoted people to find them and trust them.

Hmm.

OCPD is washing and other stuff..neatness..no rituals.

OCD is rituals...you can be a slob..but have rituals...

Why?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Let's take away disorder for it just is so definitive. THe others are important.

Obsessive...is a thought process you go through that makes anxiety. MOst don't even know what they are. The thoughts are to fast and so "well worn" in your mind that you are feeling without the thoughts. It takes a lot of work to find the thoughts that govern the feelings.

Compulsive...something you have to do or you don't feel right? Like my examples. OCPD..A person has to have the place spotless because of germs.. Yikes. Wash..make sure you are clean or..what?

OCD...ritual can be so dominant in people that it can be very sightful.

I man goes of his garage and goes to work...being afraid he'll hit someone. He find's himself not hitting anyone. BUt, he feels anxious for he is not sure...so he HAS to go around the block to make sure no one was run over.

Instead of relief as he passes by...he gets anxious and still isn't sure...he REPEATS the ritual.

Some people are afraid to sit in a chair..they avoid it, never knowing they do...but that chair can never be sat on..nor be looked at...they won't go in that room.

What Pyschologists do is expose you to that fear..in a constructive way...(or they should!), so you slowly find that you don't have to do this with REALITY therapy.

"See..the world come to an end?"

Sounds easy.

IF something goes neative in my life..I "snowball it" with "Murphies Law" until I think I will eventually be dead... in the furure.

I hate pain and don't want to be dead.

If I do ritual..I feel better.

But... I have had numourus therapy to just know I'm doing that.

I still do the rituals.

My OCD ias under Disability for it's so severe...I have SSDI.

So when I say stuff.. I kind of have an idea.

Everyone with OCD has common stuff and a unique experience. That means..I cant say, "I know what your going through".

Who can?

"I can only imagine what you go through and throw ideas!"

The most important thing is to realize that, by commenting and therapy...or even meds..you can get through it and lead a life where you are in control..not the problem!

So comment!

Your not alone and you are just as valuable as the worst or the least...

I don't forsake anyone on serveraity..I only want to help...the best I can.

Comment!

Hi there,

"Could you be afraid of making pain...emotionally...then so much..you feel you might act out?"

Yes I am afraid of hurting someone just by being who I am, and I know that I am a good person but I still often feel like I am bad.
I know I felt that even as a child you know. I felt evil and thought I needed to be punished, I think partly it has to do with the fact that, well I am the youngest child in my family, and I was sort of held quite loosely and I felt I could pretty much do what I wanted (that is what I felt) and with that comes a lot of responsibilities which a child should not have to take.
I felt I could get my parents to do what I wanted and this led me to feel evil. This is part of my theory.. and I threw tantrums sometimes and I scratched my face and arms and felt so angry I scared myself. I eventually realised what happened was I hated myself.
My mother got mad at me when I hurt myself and said I could not go outside because people might think I was abused and I was ashamed and scared something would happen to my parents. It is so sad thinking back on it..

Take care!

It's possible, but the acting out might be buried.

I feel I'm afraid of others. If I know them well enough, it goes away. When I am around people, I can feel the anxiety, but can handle it and have great conversations, because I know I can listen and what I say to others can be articulaterd well not to affend them.

I am really good "talking with people".

People who talk to me and have some type of governing area..like doctors and bosses, where the conversation is one sided is when I get really anxious and afraid I'll get hurt by them for i have no conversational control. "NO matter what I say, it never matters. Your fired" I find that emotional painful!

Now, let's say I am in a heated conversation and get angry. After the arguement, I calm down real easy.

Strange?