OCD or only extreme panic with agoraphobia?

Ok, I post another topic on the hypochondrias forum and didn't recieve an answer.

To do this shorter, i'm 35 yo, not very healthy (can't exercise cause of my heart and smoke around 25 cigarettes a day), not overweight (had morbid obesity and had a gastric by-pass to loose my weight) and I live with a social phobia + panic disorder since i'm 19 yo.

Was stable on the Paxil (SSRI antidepressant med) for several years, but in 2005 I start having again a lot of social phobia and anxiety, so my PDoc at the time put me on a benzo med (Rivotril) at 2 mg a day. Since then my life change, what I can say is that i'm addicted to the Rivotril, take now 8 mg a day + 1 mg of Xanax as well... of course in the last 6 years I withdrawh them several times, was able to live 1-2 months without any benzo med but always had to return on them.

My major problem that I have right now is my heart. Everything start in 2009 when I start having panic attacks again. At first I get them at the gym because I was over focused on my pulse rate and blood pressure. After 6 months going to the gym 5 times a week, I had to stop cause every time I was at the gym I had severe panic attacks. Badly, the panic attacks continue even if I stop the gym, I start having panic attacks while I had to drive my car and in the middle of 2009 I had a lot of panic attacks everywhere.

My PDoc put me again on a antidepressant med, he choose the Paxil cause it was the only one who was working for the panic disorder. I try almost 20 meds between 2005 and 2009 and I developp a med phobia, to the point that i'm now med sensitive, can't even take an Advil or a Motrin for my headache... Anyway, I had a hard time to return on the Paxil, don't know why but my anxiety level increase by 1000 folds the first month on it. After 2 months I was free of panic... BUT the HEART phobia stay there... I was able to reduce my benzo intake to a low 10-20 mg Valium, but I had major weight gain cause of the Paxil and with the gastric by-pass it was not good for me, so I choose to stop the Paxil saying to myself that I was free of panic and in control of my anxiety but I was so wrong!!!

Things turn really bad because in November 2009 I had a surgery for my internal hemorrhoids, I was loosing too much blood to the point that I had no iron in my blood and my hemoglobin level was very low, I had those bleeding hemorrhoids since 2007 and had to receive IV iron treaments every month to control my anemia but at the end I had to receive 1 treatment of IV iron every week + blood transfusion and my iron level and hemoglobin level was out of control.

The surgery that I had is call an hemorrhoidectomy and it was so painfull, I was 2 months in pain, not able to pass gas and to have regular bowel movement. It was like a traumatic event for me and that surgery change my life for the worse.

The day after I had that surgery the panic return 1000 worse than before. When I was sit on the toilet, in the shower, alone at home and I start paying too much attention to my heart again, was taking my blood pressure 100 times a day, same for my pulse rate...

In 2010 things get worse again. I start having headache everyday, numbness of the scalp of my head, throbing veins on both temple of my head, neck pain, at this point I had 10 and more panic every day and always had anxiety even when I was at home. In the middle of 2010 my heart start going crazy, at first I had high blood pressure all the time and a very low pulse rate, I was so anxious about my heart that I saw my First Cardiologist Doc who run a lot of heart tests on me (treadmill with an echography of my heart, Holter monitor 24 hours, blood pressure machine 24 hours), the Cardiologist said that my heart was perfect, no problem, BUT my fear of dying from a heart attack and also the compulsive things like taking my pulse rate all the time and taking often my blood pressure increase again. In October 2010 I start having weird blood pressure and others heart problems everyday 24 hours a day (orthostatic hypotension, numbness of the left arm, blue hands and legs, chest pain, dizziness), I also had to stop driving my car cause it was dangerous for me and the others... I saw another Cardiologist who run the same tests than the first one and he explain to me that since I loose more than 270 pounds, my heart stay big even after the loose weight and that's why i'm having all those symptoms... He put me on a beta-blocker, had to try 5 of them before finding the good one but it didn't change anything for my heart symptoms, in fact it get worse again in 2011...

Right now, I feel all the time my heart beat in my chest, I have A LOT of palpitations, had to go to the ER 3 times since 6 months because my heart beat is all the time fast (again all the tests they run on me was ok, no heart problem only anxiety)... I'm dizzy all the time, can't exercise at all even for a small walk, when I get up in the morning my heart rate is around 130-160 at rest, if I take my shower I have to do it very fast cause my heart beat can reach 200 and more, I have painfull chest pain all the time, migraine everyday, the veins on the temple of my head are very big and throbing all the time, I can't stand the heat and the sun, i'm tired all the time but can't sleep at night cause of my heart who always beat hard in my chest... and the list go on...

Of course, I call my Cardiologist again but he say that it's only anxiety and just increase my beta-blocker dose, who did nothing and just worse my orthostatic hypotension problem and the dizziness.

My PDoc say it's only extreme anxiety and panic with agoraphobia. I done 3 CBT Therapy in the last year with no change, I can't tolerate any kind of psychiatrict meds, I try to be back on the Paxil but only 1 mg make my anxiety 1000000 worse and it's only 1/10 of the regular starting dose... I can't live my house now, can't drive and can't stay alone cause I always fear of dying from a heart attack. I feel my heart in my chest all the time, my body move with my heart pulse. I'm obsess about my heart, I can stay sit on the couch and take my pulse rate for 1 hour long (put my fingers on one of my wrest or on the big vein of my neck and count the number of pulse for 15 seconds and x by 4 to see how fast my heart beat)... I do that all the time now, I need to take my pulse rate all the time and the more heart symptoms I have (Dizziness, chest pain, palpitations...) and the more I take my pulse rate...

The last Therapist I had say I had a somatoform disorder, the PDoc say it's only extreme anxiety, another PDoc that I saw 1 month ago say that it's impossible to have anxiety symptoms like mine all the time, especially for the heart, and she say that I may have a personality disorder... I don'T know what to think about all of this. For now I have no life, can't do anything, always think about my heart and always have a lot of symptoms...

Oh I forget to write that I had a lot of physical tests to rull out other possibilities of diseases, had a CT-Scan for the IBS (constipation, gas, bloating), had several blood tests, adrenal glands tests, cortisol test... everything is ok, all my vitamins level are good also... no Doc can't find anything wrong with my body... with the exception of the anxiety...

Someone know what is wrong with me???

Thanks to read all of this

Hi, TX35! The best thing for you would probably be going back to a doctor and sticking with it until you have some more answers and a better treatment. Did they teach you any techniques to help calm you down? Ask them to help you with that. You could try to focus on your breathing, take very deep, long breaths to help you calm your anxiety, if you can.