Do You Agree this is OCD?

I made a thread about the possibility of having Pure-O. I discussed it with my therapist & he easily shot me down. Rebuking my theory with the fact that I do compulsions.

I just want to know what you guys think because my experience is not typically OCD. I'm not a germaphobe, I'm not obsessed with cleanliness or anything like that. Here are some of "main" experiences:

1. Order/Lists: I constantly make lists. Even about the smallest & most mundane things. It will mostly contain repetition. Here's my most recent list:

Check forums (SAS, Psychforums, Facebook, Ratforum, E-mail)
Listen to music (Staring at a picture while listening to exactly ten songs that correspond with countries in my head. I imagine the person in the picture owns the music somehow. Strange, I know. But I CANNOT deviate from this.)
Read one chapter of two books. (Look at the clock, ends in a odd number, don't keep reading. End in an even, read another chapter. Sometimes I end up reading for hours because of this clock compulsion.)
Take one of my rats out to socialize for exactly the length of one music album.
Rinse & repeat.
I often do this pattern while shaking. I have a lot of physical anxiety.

2. Intrusive thoughts. As I mentioned in my other thread, I often have violent & morbid intrusive thoughts. I have interjected thoughts of my brother killing us (no basis for this, completely irrational.), someone chopping off my pet rats' heads, or microwaving our cat, someone coming in & slicing my throat while I have my back turned while I'm in bed etc. There are no compulsions following these thoughts but they are intrusive & often obsessive.

3. Once thought to be psychosis, I am obsessed with this one girl I met. Only for a few days. I became so obsessed with her. I thought I "was" her for a time. I tried to be her. I had many intrusive thoughts of her crawling in my skin. To relieve the anxiety, the compulsion would be I would cut her name into me. Gradually I learned a different coping mechanism, compulsively writing about her. Narratives, poetry, stories, anything. I get triggered very easily about her & have to do one of those two compulsions or else I feel like my head will explode & I can't stop shaking.

My therapist said he thinks the last situation is a strange form that OCD took. It's the most severe OCD thing I experience. It causes me much pain.

I'm also obsessed with minute diagnosis. Hence all my freaking threads on diagnosis. I compulsively write down my Axis I & II diagnoses, including traits. That is extremely overwhelming. Yes, this thread is feeding into that but I can't stop right now. I have no method of preventing this. Maybe some advice would be welcome for trying to prevent things like this.

MMonroe wrote:I'm also obsessed with minute diagnosis.

I'd like to reiterate how strong this one really is. This is the severe one that I'm currently dealing with. Revising my diagnosis, writing it down, drawing diagrams about it etc. I am very obsessive & compulsive about this... I'd really like some advice or insight into this problem specifically.

Could I get someones advice?

Obviously this sub-forum isn't that active.

(Wow, another Ratforum member with OCD? I think I know who you are, too, if your username is similar. What are the chances of that?? Hi!)

OCD doesn't really have any "typical" forms, only ones that are more publicized. I'm going to have to agree with your therapist, as you don't(didn't) merely think about making lists or listening to music in the way that you do or cutting that girl's name into your skin, you actually do(did) it. The act of doing whatever it is that you're obsessing about is the compulsion. For you to have pure-O, you would merely think about doing these things all the time - but not actually put them into action.

However, it sounds to me like you definitely do have OCD - just not pure-O.

(I also have a list for my forums. Just wanted to share that. XD)

Kechara - Thanks for responding. I was getting a little frustrated as you could tell. LOL.

Yeah, I was on Ratforums for a short amount of time. I left because of unfavourable responses to my accidental female pregnancy. Since I'm mentally ill, I am very sensitive to criticism & such. I had to leave.

Yeah, I guess I do have OCD rather than Pure-O. Now that I really think about. It makes more sense. I guess I somehow forgot about how much compulsions rule my life. I was just nervous about my morbid thoughts because they've been more distressing. My compulsions are more just a "normal" thing in my life to control my anxiety levels. How I could "forget" that, I have no idea. Haha.

You have a list of your forums, too?? Yay, I'm not so much of a freak with making lists of everything. Do you go on them in that order, too? Haha.

I remember seeing your threads. I know that there was a suggestion at some point that you were considering intentionally breeding, or if you didn't say that outright that someone took it that way, but that happens to be a very touchy subject on the forum because of the tragedies we've seen play out before. I think you'll find that the other members will be willing to give you a second chance.

Ugh, intrusive thoughts are so annoying. I'll have horrifying thoughts of "what would happen if I killed my dog right now?" and then it spirals into how I would do it, etc, and it's like one part of my mind is doing all of that while the rest of me is like "OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU THINKING" and recoiling in horror. Or I'll just be sitting there at dinner with friends, and I'll suddenly start thinking "what if [name] died in a car accident? what would his funeral be like? would his family be respectful?" and it goes into this whole five minute long spiral of morbid thoughts that I just can't stop. :/

My order is (and I have to finish all my business on each site before I can go to the next): Facebook, Tumblr, Furaffinity, Ratforum, Talk Cockatiels, TDF. I also have an order for my webcomics, though I recently revamped it and I'm still adjusting. Here goes:
M/W/F - DMFA, Namir Deiter, Kevin & Kell, Penny and Aggie, Eerie Cuties, Penny Arcade, XKCD, SMBC, Gunnerkrigg Court, Khaos Komix, Moon Over June, Menage a Trois, Girls with Slingshots, Questionable Content
T/Th - Namir Deiter, Kevin & Kell, SMBC, Khaos Komix, Menage a Trois, Girls with Slingshots, Questionable Content
Saturday - DMFA, Kevin & Kell, SMBC, Khaos Komix, Simply Sarah
Sunday - DMFA, Kevin & Kell, SMBC, Khaos Komix, Oglaf
I will note that not all of these update on all of the days that I check them - but I have to check them on those days anyway.

I don't know if I even want to attempt a second chance. Better to just let it be.

Dude, I'm so glad I'm not the only one with order that needs to be done on the internet. Haha. So good to be understood.

Do you think my obsessive nature with my diagnostics is OCD? My mother thinks that I'm just obsessed, but she won't feed into it by saying I'm OCD about it.

Well, I hope you do come back eventually. It would be cool to have you around, we could have our own secret little club. X3 If you wait for a little while, they'll probably forget all about it - but obviously, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I know! And sometimes it's so frustrating because I realllly want to see if anyone commented on a new piece but I haven't gone through my whole dashboard yet so I can't check yet and auughhghhg

It's a definite possibility. I would go so far as to say yes, actually. And your mother has it right - it is an obsession. You think about it constantly (obsession) and you write related things about it when you obsess (compulsion). So yeah, it sounds like another facet of your OCD to me.

I heard somewhere, not sure where, that bipolars feel like they become "someone else". Ok, I just remembered, it was on a comment forum on a britney spears news article, by some random commenter. Not so scientific...but, perhaps you can research that? And I wish I were as organized as you!

Here is an example of the charts I make & flow charts. This is my CURRENT chart, it frequently changes with my revised diagnosis.

Axis I:

Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Depersonalization Disorder.
Social Anxiety Disorder. (In Remission.)
Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Bipolar II.

Axis II:

Borderline Personality Disorder w/Psychosis.
Narcissistic traits.
Avoidant traits.
Histrionic traits.

Flow Chart: (Won't look as good on here but who cares)

Selective Mutism ---> Social Anxiety Disorder/Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Avoidant traits ---> Depersonalization Disorder ---> Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder ---> Seasonal Affective Disorder/Bipolar II ---> Narcissistic/Histrionic traits ---> Borderline Personality Disorder w/Psychosis.

I'd give an example of my formal diagnoses with a clinical journal but it's rather long. I won't subject you guys to that.

I told my therapist today about my realization that I was obsessive-compulsive about diagnositics & he was like, "You JUST figured that out??" That's how everyone has been reacting.. LOL.