HOCD is killing my relation

Hi All,

I'm a 32 year old male with I hope a servere form of HOCD (I am diagnosed with OCD). I can not stop thinking that I am gay and I hate it. I realy do not want to be it. I got a very sweet girlfriend which I love to death and a newborn daughter 3 weeks old.

I always had some sort of obsession, at first I thought was ugly and could not get any women. When I got in a relation my mind told me I had to break up, but I did not know why and now the worst thought comes in mind that I might be gay. I realy dont want to be and I feel soooooo sick about the thought I have to leave my girlfriend and she has to raise my daughter alone.

Because of my disorder I broke up all connections with male friends just because I am to afraid to deal with them, out of fear that I would turn up that I would like them and I am gay. I stopped working because of my disorder because I thougth I liked a collegeue, but now after starting to work again everything got worse .

At the moment I realy think I am gay, but how can I be. I liked girls all my life, but now due to my thoughts I do sometimes love sex with my girl anymore. I am in therapy, but I am realy sooooo afraid that these thought will turn real and I am gay. I do not know if I get ever rid of these unwanted thoughts. I never had an erection for a guy, but still I think im gay.

When I tell my girl that im gay I get a clear thought that im surely not but 10 secs later I believe the opposite again.

Please help!!!
Peter

Hi, Peter! I'm sure it's just the OCD, we've had other people express these worries too. Is therapy helping with this at all? Don't worry, you won't have to leave your partner.

Hi Jasmin,

thanks for you reply. I realy hope its OCD. I am sooooo scared. Today I had an encounter with a male collegea and I thought I realy liked him. So now I am drinking a bottle of wine afway and cry because of fear of losing my girl and daughter. Therapy is helping but it has two sides. My downfalls are much deeper because I am starting to loose my fear. But simultaniously I am beginning to loose my control and avoidance, so I am realy afraid that I do someting stupid and turn out to be gay.

Always when I have such a moment of fear I call my girl, and then I know everything is OK, but 5 seconds later I start doubting again and the drop continues. So therapy is working out OK, but because of the lost of control on the otherhand I am scared to death.

Does someone know if this is normal in Exposure Response prevention therapry?

Regards,
Peter

You won't lose your family and these are all intrusive thoughts. You can make more threads if you want, by the way.