My mother is a compulsive hoarder.

Hello. My name is Adam. I am 19 years old, and along with me, have my father and 22 year old sister living in our house. Our family is far from perfect, but we seem to get along. Among us, there is one giant heaping problem. My mother is a compulsive hoarder, and suffers from OCD to extreme extents. Let me start off with this.

Ever since I was born, the house that I live in has always been full of "antiques" and other assortments of what most would call junk. I remember that my mother would take me and my sister with her shopping almost every day. No matter where else we'd go, we'd always end up at the local Salvation Army thrift store. This is a place where you go to buy used clothes, etc. that have been donated for the needy. My family has never been considered needy, though, and my father has a great paying job. Nonetheless, every time that we would venture into this store, my mother would always come out with multiple garbage bags full of clothing, dishes, furniture, and any other odd and end that she could find. Due to this, my father always had a hard time keeping up on the bills, and though it never got to the point that he was so broke from her spending that he couldn't pay for everything, it still put a large hinderance on our lives.

Now, 15 years later, that I am 19, I have come to realize the look on my friends' faces when they walk into the door. There is clutter everywhere. Every single flat surface is covered in clothes or some other sort of garbage "antique." My mother has upgraded her taste, and now she is doing overhaul spending at multiple high-end locations, such as macy's and other expensive chain stores. She has a job, and tries to pay off her credit debt, but my dad has had to remortgage 3 houses of which he owns to try and clear her name. The piles are endless. Now, she has done this profuse spending on me at times also, and she claims that everything that she has ever bought for me is officially "hers." She uses it to make me feel bad, and when i try to confront her with the fact that she has a problem, she turns every single thing i say to her around on me. Telling me that it's my fault that she has all of this clutter, and that if I weren't living here the house would not look like it does. Saying that all of her spending on my sister and I has accumulated this large figure of numbers on her credit card statement.

I do not doubt her love for me, but through many situations where my family has tried to talk to her about it, she denies any sort of treatment. My father suggested a marriage counselor among many other sorts of professionals, and she refuses to do anything of that sort. It has also come to the point where my father and I have gone so far as to attempt to get rid of it while she's not home, but every time we attempt this, she claims that she is going to call the police on us.

My father loves her very much, but she puts him through a lot of pain with her problems. She does not have relationships with anyone, (i.e. not a single friendship) except for her dog. I've done a lot of research on this, and I am completely trapped. I am hurting for her, knowing that she has a problem but will not seek help for it.

Also, I must add, that my sister was diagnosed with O.C.D. when she was younger. She has since grown out of it. I was also diagnosed with minor depression, which I also have outgrown. Disorders are not rare to my family. My grandfather is just like her in the fact that he collects large amounts of junk.

I have seen posts on forums saying to "call the fire marshal," but I do not want to embarrass her. I cannot live like this much longer, and I am attending school so I am unable to move out and support myself as it is, or else I would. Even in that case, my father is miserable having to live with this, despite his love for her.

Any time that we try to talk to her about it, she reacts in a very violent manner, either threatening to move out, because her things matter more to her than her family (us), or threatening for divorce, in a way that would destroy my fathers life and career. Is there any way out of this?

I do not want to hurt her in any way, I just want a way to escape this messy trap that I call a home. You are my last resort. Please, offer me some sort of suggestion.

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I have seen a couple of episodes of Oprah where she has had some guy help families declutter and clean up their houses. One of the houses was full of stuff - like piled almost to the ceiling and they had a huge sale at some warehouse ... made quite a bit of money. This lady had hundreds of pairs of shoes, and just as much clothing and you could only walk through the house between all the boxes piled up high. When they cleaned up they found evidence of rats/mice droppings etc and mould. It was a VERY big job.
I'm not a compulsive hoarder but I have a very messy/dirty house due to my OCD and fear of germs. You think OCD means your house is clean but not always. My house used to be clean but due to the fact it's only 2 bedrooms and it went from being occupied by just me, to being occupied by me, my hubby and our two daughters... now it's cluttered and it's hard to clean because 1/I haven't got the energy or time 2/ my OCD prevents me from doing much because I have a fear of germs and bugs too 3/ It's sooo overwhelming and I don't know where or how to start 4/ some areas I haven't been able to get to because of the clutter. It's so bad I don't let anyone visit here and it's very sad because my daughters don't have friends over and I can't invite my own friends or family over. No matter how much I want it cleaned up I find it emotionally and physically impossible.

I'm sorry your mother isn't ready to accept help and deal with the issues. Have you tried contacting someone for her? Maybe they would come to your house and talk to her. Like an intervention.

I was going to suggest you move out/tell her you are moving out. And get your father to do the same. But you've said she has told you her "stuff" is more important to her. So I'm not sure that would work.


Have you found information on the internet explaining why compulsive hoarders hoard? I know they explained it on Oprah but I can't remember the reason.

P.S. You are lucky you "grew out of" your depression and your sister grew out of her OCD. I've had OCD since I was about 7 years old. And it's only gotten worse and worse. I hope one day I can say I have gotten over my OCD.