OCD & AIDS phobia?

Hi all,

A very close friend of mine was diagnosed with OCD a few months ago and I was hoping there might be someone out there who wouldn't mind helping me understand some aspects of the disorder, as he's very reluctant to talk about it.

I just want to say in advance that I'm incredibly sorry if I offend anyone or come across as patronizing or ignorant in any way - I just feel completely hopeless and want to try and understand as best I can, if I use incorrect terminology or anything I really am sorry.

Firstly, he's just started EMDR therapy and has said that he shouldn't talk to people about 'OCD stuff' - is it likely that this was advised by the therapist? What exactly is EMDR like for the patient/What are the main techniques of therapy?
About talking about things aswell, I mentioned this forum to him a while ago (I'm BPD and use the BPD section) but I'm pretty sure he doesn't look at it - what reason would there be for it? Can reading about OCD make things worse for you?

Also - A Phobia of AIDS is his biggest problem - does anyone else have this? I thought it was a specific phobia when we first met, but he's now been diagnosed with OCD - I've only noticed a few behaviours not related to AIDS - like being very anal making sure hair straighteners are turned off/doors are locked etc. - but never checking a certain number or times or anything that stands out as 'typically' OCD.
He seems to have gone through phases of things being very good (OCD barely being there - not thinking about AIDS as often, kissing girls, sharing food/drinks etc.) and things being very bad, like at the moment, where he can barely have any physical contact and is sanitising his hands and shoes and where he sits all the time (convinced he's going to give people AIDS) - is it normal for OCD behaviour to go through phases like this? I know that things being very bad at the moment was triggered by reading something online about the virus surviving a certain amount of time or something like that.

I'm sorry, I just have so many questions and I know he doesn't want to talk about it. We live very far apart and only see eachother a few times a year, but he's my closest friend. One of my biggest worries is how to act when I do see him -
I feel constantly guilty about my actions and I don't know what's right or wrong, for example:
He's asked me to wash my hands BEFORE and after I use the bathroom - to which I agreed and do - but once he randomly asked me to wash my hands (perhaps it brushed his etc.) and I just said 'No.' Another time at a party there were several bowls of crisps laid out which everyone was sharing - but I guess he'd managed to be eating from only one bowl and I noticed the look on his face when someone else took a crisp from it, so I then took one aswell, and pointedly offered them around. I feel so guilty about this now - but all that same day he'd been making little steps - like promised himself he wouldn't sanitise his seat when he left a restaurant and stuck to it. I never know if I'm helping or not - whether I should praise when he makes these steps or just ignore everything all together, or do whatever he asks me. Last time I saw him we hugged when we met, but when i left a few days later he said he couldn't hug me at the airport and promised he'd be able to hug me next time, should I have hugged him anyway? I'm confused about how I should act.

I haven't pushed talking to him at all, I've just tried to silently be there. I feel guilty about this though - I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me that it's okay to not talk about these things, or that talking to him about it really doesn't help, or that he has to do this on his own etc.

Any kind of guidance would be so so much appreciated, or if anyone is willing to share their personal experience - what it feels like. Thank you.

Hi,

Please do not worry about coming across as patronising here, because you appear to be quite the opposite, in fact. I am not too familiar with EMDR therapy, but this website explains it in common english: http://www.emdr-training.org/ For my OCD, I received cognitive behavioural therapy, which worked effectively in me.

I believe you should not have given-in to his request of you to wash your hands before and after the toilet. In fact, I'd argue that by agreeing to that, you weren't helping him deal with his problem. Whether he likes it or not, he will have to be the one to change in order to get along with others, and not vice-versa. So, be steadfast the next time you sense that he is trying to get you to do something that is entirely related/born from his OCD.

Reading about OCD is actually a great thing though, for those who have it. it can allow them to better understand how their symptoms affect themselves and how they arse in the first place. It also brings the person into contact with other sufferers. You know, before I found this website, I genuinely thought that I was the only person in the world to do the OCD things that I do. How wrong I was!

AIDS and fears: It CAN actually happen that an OCD sufferer develops such an irrational fear as having AIDS and spreading it. For one, AIDS cannot be spread easily. There are many other illnesses out there that share fundamental features with OCD, including addictions and things like trichotillomania - and even eating disorders.

Kevin