Starving in America. OCD or Fact, either way, I'm hungry.

I'm having difficulty eating.

It has to do with quality of foods. With the world becoming more and more machine based, I find it difficult to stomach the idea that all of the food that ends up in a grocery store is processed,.. even fruits and veggies. I mean they are all genetically modified, and sprayed and cut green or unripe and waxed or coated in preservatives. Meats come from drugged animals and poorly thought out slaughter houses. You can never be sure what the animal suffered or felt during it's life. Flours are denatured and stripped of their minerals. I struggle so much with this, because I have such fears related to food and health. I believe food should be natural and as close to nature as possible. I become sick imagining that my lettuce has traveled 3000 miles to land on my plate, providing me with close to no calories of energy. This is insane to me. I've tried growing my own food where I live, but at the moment I'm stuck in a housing development that does not allow the residents to alter the outside landscaping or grow their own things. I hate people's greedy desire for "riches" because of this. I want to eat, but I am terrified of contamination.

At home I am weary to cook in the family kitchen because I struggle to separate the careless energy of my family and my own caring energy towards food. The kitchen is energetically contaminated and I feel sick to cook in it.

I can eat out occasionally, but this is a quick fix, not good for a long term approach towards health. I can not afford to eat out too much, and after a while I become sick to imagine all the trash that is generated because I have visited an establishment. Trash which will contaminate the earth for the generation that was supposed to belong to my children. The children I don't have, because I cannot give life to another knowing the hell hole that humans are creating for it. It can only get worse, n'est-ce pas?

Help! I'm starving in America. It's such a desperate day for me. I wished my tears made a difference, but no one seems to care. Most of the time I think humans aren't worthy of life, because of their thoughtlessness and senseless self-destruction. I feel obligated to shun society, shun people, shut them out. I feel obligated to express my dissatisfaction with their greed, and laissez-faire attitudes which directly cause untold suffering. They don't care and for that I hate them.