This is how i beat HOCD (happy Kevin?)

Hello
Iam a teen girl and I have been terrified about being bi for about 3 months now I suffer from an anxiety disorder and get panick attacks
There is one thing I want to know.
You said somewhere that if you are scared of being gay it meant you couldn't be? Is that what you meant? Am I gay or suffering from HOCD?
I would really appreciate an answer ASAP as it is ruining my life.....
Best wishes Hannah

Another thing I forgot to add was that I do stay around the same sex and I do not fear them but I do get those 'terrifying moments' and sometimes I accidentally look at girls boobs and panic really badly that iam gay and sometimes it's not because I want to look at them it's almost like my mind is forcing me to look at the boobs and I can't concentrate on their faces and then I panic really badly I REALLY need an answer ASAP or I think I will commit sucide

Trying, if you are ever feeling suicidal, PLEASE call a local suicide prevention helpline. Online forums can only help you so far. When things get that bad, you need more help than anyone here can offer. You wouldn't be wasting their time and it is confidential. And they won't laugh or dismiss you.

I suggest you have a look at this thread- obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html which gives a good introduction to what HOCD is. And to why it's really really hard for any of us to give help.

In short, whatever I write to say yes, this is HOCD, will reinforce the OCD and make your anxiety worse! It's a HORRIBLE situation to be in. If you can talk to someone you trust about it, that will help. A knowledgeable therapist would be best. Someone who knows the different ways OCD can mess with people's minds.

Hey Kevin,
I am a teen, who, about 12 weeks ago, accidentally thought about something gay, and instantly thought NO and tried to battle it, but now I realize that made it stay.i was constantly worried about if it never leaves, and every time I tried to think about a girl, the image would pop up, and it would be really hard to get turned on. This caused me to think about all these gay stuff, and trust me, I was super straight before all this, and now I feel like some of the gay stuff could arouse me if I think too much about it, and when I try to not think about it, I can't, it's as if my brain is addicted to it, and I don't know how to stop it. BUT, a few days back, I stopped caring for a bit, and thought of girls, and I got super aroused. Now, I don't have any control over what I think, and I really want to just get my stuff together and go back to normal.
Thanks
novanoid

I beat hocd by thinking of the girls I fancied and my girlfriends I looked at what I liked about them and realised that I never felt the same for the opposite sex ,I kept doing this and finally the ocd had gone it really helped and got me through a tough time.if you have hocd don't worry it will go away eventually, however if you have never liked a girl you should consider yourself gay or asexual but their isn't anything wrong with it.

and then you realize..

you've made a problem out of 'nothing'. Blinded by your ego and insecurities.. constantly focusing on your source of misery. Nothing else, but yourself. If no-one believes in you who will? Time after time you have told yourself that your straight. Down to the depth of your soul you know it. But still you argue.. still you reassure yourself.. and the cycle repeats.

why..
why feed your fears with doubts and worries?

Understand, it was never a problem in the first place. You've just made it one.

May all beings be happy.

Sounds rather ominous.

Kev - first and foremost I want to say thank you. This has helped me tremendously as well as given me great understanding of what's going on - what a relief-!!!

Now I feel compelled to help others through with this post...

HOCD left me with a traumatic experience because it questioned who I was for the past 20 something years. I was never on medication, just on vacation and a trigger caused me to go into a full blown panic attack. I beat it for the following two days but for some reason got really overwhelmed with anxiety and panic the 3rd night of the incident. I was left shaking and trembling until I talked myself out of my thoughts. The following day after that I Barely ate and freaked out again at night... sleepless..feeling #######5, almost like a purgatory. Finally I gathered the courage to research my issue and found Kevin post. Holy cow when I read this a wave of relief washed over me and it really hit home with what was going on. Everything you said I related too. Turns out many other people have experienced this, its pretty funny!...I was constantly trying to justify to myself that I wasn't what my thoughts told me I was. I knew I wasn't but for some reason I kept seeking validation. After I read Kevin post I finally understood what was going on, however I didn't realize my body had a lag time and that tricks would still get played. Whenever normal stressors of everyday life came about, my body would respond the same extreme way it did when I completely freaked out and started trembling but I couldn't figure out why. I then realized my brain by default would search for a reason because that's what it was supposed to do as well as used to doing the past few days. Now the key to solving this is focusing on the root cause and realizing its the reason my body responded the way it did. Now all other irrational thoughts were simply an automatic response caused by the root. Now that I understand the root, I understand the response and can ward it off by remaining calm and recognizing what's going on

Stress and anxiety are all normal and its just trying to help you... change the way you think about it and it eventually will..there's a good TED Talk about anxiety just do a quick search on Google and I'm sure you'll find it (woman presenter).

I'm still working on mine but I feel much much better.

Hope this helps.

this was brilliant, i have been struggling with this for a while, its like a constant thinking cycle i carnt shake off, but i did for a few years when i dated a girl who had lots of gay friends so i was around them a lot and in the gay clubs ect and i remember thinking, yea this isnt me. but it came back with my new partner who is the most awsome girl ever! she is gorgeous and is also bi sexual, and her brother used to be a man, i have told her about my problem and she doesnt get it really because she didnt have this struggle that i have which you pointed out, i love having sex with her, its experimentle and fun and love being with her. but man these thoughts just get in the way all the time and its so scary, my fear is that i cant be with her because of it. but your post has it down to a tee!! unfortunaly im a truck driver so im alone at work all day so thinking time is huge, that really doesnt help

anyway my spellings terrible lol sorry but this i think will help, thank you danny male 28

Hello, for the past 3 months I feel as if I have been suffering from HOCD.

Just a little about my past.....

Growing up when I was 6 years old, I was molested by a girl cousin (I am a girl) I didn't I knew that it was weird but it wasn't until now that I know that it was right. I was just a little girl and I didn't know that it was bad.
Shortly after that I discovered porn and around 7-8 I would even masturbate to it... Only staight porn
After that, I still never had struggles with my sexuality.. I always had crushes on guys .. Even in the 5th grade I had the biggest crush on a guy and I remember literally wanting to go to bed at night so I could fantasize about him.. After that I continued to have crushes on guys... I had girls that were my friends and I never looked at them in a sexual way at all... I have an older sister and she would have friends around and I looked up to them all.. I'd always wanna be around the "big girls" but that's normal right?

My ocd started in the 8th grade... That's when everyone was talking about the world ending.. I slowly but surely started getting repulsive images in my head of my family members dying.. They wouldn't go away. I would cry everyday because I thought I would die soon and any sound outside would make me think that the world was ending.... Happily I went to a a therapist and she helped me through it...
After that... I would still have recurring thoughts but they eventually faded away....

I fell in love for the first time with a guy. He was my everything and I loved him deeply ... He took my virginity and the sex wasn't what I thought it would be.. I didn't get the feeling that I felt when I masturbated .. But being in love with him just made our sex powerful.... He ended up breaking my heart ... It became an emotional abusive relationship and he cheated on me several times... And every girl he cheated on me with I would obsess over them... The feeling of wishing I were them and being really jealous of them.... Still not wanting to be with them sexually...

I have had my share of sexual partners and the ones that I had when there was a mutual feeling of love it was great....
The only thing was, I wasn't getting orgasms like I would see the woman getting in porn....
That's when I thought that something was wrong with my vagina... But apparently most woman don't experience orgasm for a while....
But it never dawned on me that I could possibly be a lesbian...


I loved porn ... And I can get off to straight porn. But I eventually discovered that I liked lesbian porn as well.... I would masturbate to it and wouldn't think much of it... I would still be deeply in love with my boyfriends......
I have also dated a lot of assholes and they've all broken my heart.. That's another reason why I feel maybe I'm gay, because my relationships don't work out...
This HOCD really became an issue 3 months ago.... I have a openly bisexual friend and she was actually my best friend... She told me that all girls were gay.... Then she tried to convince me that
I were gay... She also tricked me into going to a lesbian party... I thought there would be Boysss... When I told her I didn't feel comfortable going she told me if I wasn't gay it shouldn't matter....
Well then that's when my life came tumbling down... I then remembered that one time me And my boyfriend had sex he gave me oral and I got a great orgasm... And right before I orgasm I thought about the lesbian scene and also pretended it was a girl giving me oral... At the time I didn't think much of it I just thought of myself as freaky but now I'm asking myself questions like "is that really what you want" and now I'm thinking my whole life I've been a lesbian and didn't even know... I am now scared to be around lesbians.. I'm scared to be around my friends because if I think they look pretty I Instantly feel gay.... I never in my life EVER dreamed about being with a woman or even felt the need to kiss a woman... Deep gown I think it's gross.... But now I have gotten 3 lesbian dreams and I woke up having an anxiety attack afterwards.... I was in love with my boyfriend and we recently broke up due to my confusion.... It even got to the point where I quit my job because there was a lesbian there and I was afraid that I would be attracted to her.... I told my parents and they are telling me that it's normal to same sex porn.... And that it's the devil taunting me... I was even scared to be around my aunt because one day she had a noticeable camel toe and I looked at it... I never in my life would have thought that I would be going through this... I've cried about it constantly , prayed about it.... I find myself looking at ex gay testimonies and I haven't even ever been with a girl... I don't have any homosexual desires .. I want to be happy and loved by a man .. Even though I've been hurt in the past.... All the gay coming out stories doesn't even add up to what I'm going through... Every time I think about actually being with a girl it makes me sick to my stomach .... I've cried out to God , I've prayed so hard ... I don't know what else to do... I'm going crazy.... I feel like even if I were to go be lesbian I still wouldn't be happy. I would still be worried about my ex... And what he's doing..... I would still want to be married to a man.... I would still get jealous of pretty girls because I know they always get the good guys... None of that adds up to actually being sexual with them in real liFE.. But my mind keeps telling me that I am... I feel like gay people are scared to come out to there parents.... I told my mom , dad and couple friends what I was going through... I wasn't scared that they would hate me or tell me I'm going to hell or be disappointed... I was scared that they would tell me "oh it's okay, go be gay, I love you regardless..." I'm like hell no I don't wanna give up my boyfriend for a girl.... I don't wanna give oral sex to woman... I don't want to have a girl cuddling me .. That's weird ...
But now it's gotten to the point where my mind keeps putting the words SEXY, and imagining woman naked ... Whenever I see them. AND I NEVER DID THAT 4 months ago.....

I feel like the only way to end this is killing myself... But I am a true believer In God and I can't do that... All I know is I'm not about to go experiment with a girl... But what will make me get over this??? Whenever I look at woman, I don't think about going on dates, and having sex.. I'm usually jealous of them... Trying to do my hair like them or trying to dress like them.... Is that gay? Please help me....