This is how i beat HOCD (happy Kevin?)

Yes, you can try this: Don't fight the thoughts. Just let them enter your head, process them, and do'nt tryt o push them away. Go for a walk and think about them if you feel up for that. With enough thought, you might reach some sort of compromise or understanding.

Kevin

hey kevin,
i just want to ask you...was there a time when your mind has convinced you that you are gay?like you know deep inside that you are not,but your mind seems to be convinced with that?(sorry for my bad english)

For the past two months I have been incredibly confused over my sexuality! Before these 2 months, I had always liked girls and even had a of girlfriend (not serious btw). I don;t know why these thoughts have passed over me, they are making me feel really guilty and the thought of being gay does not appeal to me, I have always classed myself as straight.

I am extremely worried because these thoughts of whether I'm straight or not are just constantly in my mind, and I hate it, it makes me feel so angry and really worried! It's not like I'm homophobic, I just do not want to be gay, or even bisexual:/

I used to watch gay porn but I don't anymore because afterwards I would feel ashamed, I know only watch lesbian porn (weird or not?). I also used to masturbate to a guy I knew for like a week, 6 months ago but again I used to feel guilty afterwards so I stopped.

I can think about girls and get erections, but I daren't think about guys for if I get one I will get depressed even more. This guilt is eating me up and I am becoming depressed it is the only thing on my mind!!!

Just wondered, I also keep questioning my attraction to girls now (whether I will be in a relationship with a girl when I'm older etc), I think I will be it's just these thoughts are making my mind explode with how much anxiousness they are producing with the thought of me not being striaght. I do want to be straight and I hope I am, can anyone help me, is this hormones and normal for a late blooming teen? or not?

This was my post from virtual teen forums and got mixed remarks, however a guy on the forum told me I could have HOCD becuase it has taken over my life, so I typed it in in google, and found this forum, just wondered, because it is such a big part of my life and I worry non-stop if alone or bored, could I have this? And if so what do I do/?

Hey Kevin,
I'm a 19 year old guy who has had same sex attractions throughout my teenage years. However, recently I've been obsessing over the thought of being gay for the most part of my day. I get severe anxiety attacks and feel depressed/hopeless. This whole thing has been going on for the past four months. Do I have hocd or am I a closeted gay who is trying to trick himself into being straight and getting panic attacks because its not working? I've heard that same sex attractions are common during teen years since we're developing. I also have found that my attraction for women has significantly decreased. Its extremely hard to get aroused by a woman these days. I had a major panic attack yesterday when I came across this article relating finger length to being gay. It said that if ur a guy and ur index finger is longer than your ring finger then you have been exposed to high levels of androgen in the prenatal stage which is determining factor for homosexuality. I checked my fingers and they matched this description which made me panic like hell. I felt like I was doomed for life! The obsessions go away for a day or two when I somehow convince myself that I'm normal and come back again and don't go away for several days. I constantly go on the internet to do research so that I can assure myself that I have hocd and am not gay. I also have been checking straight and gay porn. When I'm doing this I feel like I'm more aroused by gay porn than straight porn which also gives me a panic attack. This whole being gay thing is just not working for me. Imagining myself having a normal heterosexual married life gives me a sense of calmness and satisfaction with life. This whole phenomenon is kind of making me suicidal. I don't know, what do you think? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Hello ka91

It certainly seems to be a more of an obsession rather than having anything to do with you actually being homosexual. Like other obsessions of this type, it's the mere fear of being/doing something that is causing it. So, this could easily have been a fear about something else. It just so happens to be a fear about being homosexual. For this reason, I feel as if you aren't homosexual. I'm sure that this logic makes sense to you.

I also want to say that the research involving index finger length is flawed, and you could probably find many more reasons why you AREN'T homosexual. Your hypersensitivity around your fear of being homosexual just makes you remember certain things more than others.

TAke care
Kevin

Hi there Kevin, I'm a girl and u think I have hocd. I've had it on and off for two years... These pat two years gave been hell!! I spend every waking moment obsessing over this and when I am not suffering from it none of these worries actually exist. One thinking I have noticed as a connection between stress and these thoughts. I seem to get it after very stressful events in my life. Sometimes I wish I was gay and could accept it to relieve the anxiety of get me out of this black hole. When I first got the mind breaking snap in my head I actually came out to my parents and friends which made me feel loads better all apart from actually being a lesbian and sleeping with a woman and watching lesbian porn DID NOT appeal to me. After two weeks of feeling better I found myself suddenly "coming back" or "waking up" like I'd been in a life long coma and was like I'M NOT GAY HOW RIDICULOUS!! And my life seemed to get back on track and I met a new guy fell in love etc and I had an abortion in feb this year... A month later BANG and I'm back there I've been on and off since then petrified worried exhausted you name it I've felt it. What can I tell my doctor? I've joined a support group called "obsessions together" hopefully I will be able to talk about it there. Sometimes I try to just accept it and be gay but it never sits right.Not only that I seem to get the masculine feeling and got obsessed over being transgender for a bit (nearly killed me) which I was relieved to discover other people suffer from that when hocd arises.... It's awful. It's just all got so stuck in my head! I seem to be looking at women and finding them attractive in a really horrible way I'm only attracted to men when I'm not expecting it! Then it feels great and suddenly I'm aware that I'm finding them attractive and my HOCD shoots that feeling down! Does this sound like I have this illness?? PLEASE HELP!

Heya,

It would be advisable that you were as honest with your doctor as you possibly could be. Being 100% honest about your issue is the best start to the road to recovery. Hiding problems has the potential to just make things worse. So, just be honest and see what he/she says...

Possibly of equal importance is to be honest with yourself too. If you enjoy watching lesbian porn for now, then you might as well continue. Having a fear about it is most likely going to drive the obsession further. However, if you 'give in' to your guilty pleasures then they might just fade-away more rapidly...

I do understand what you are going through because I have been thruogh it myself. Even now I sometimes feel uncomfortable in mens' bathrooms and I avoid talking or looking at others' faces in them (other men freely talk to each other, even while urinating at the same time).

Take care
Kevin

Hi Kevin thanks for getting back to me, I think u miss understood me' I meant I have tried watching lesbian porn and it doesn't work I find it boring and love straight porn when I came out I had no desire to be close to a woman or go to a gay bar.... I've gone on lesbian dating websites but they just make me' feel like in taking on someone elses identity.... The reason for all this behaviour is I have a nagging voice in my head telling me' I'm a lesbian and I'm exhausted!! Urgh it's hideous!

Hello, my apologies. I did misunderstand what you wrote. I guess that what you're facing is just like what everyone else in this thread has faced, except for the fact that you're female. It's good that you are exploring the lesbian 'option' (sorry - I know that sounds odd to say!), but each time you do so you realise that you don't very much like it, right? All that's left is the voice in your head that you are a lesbian...

Kevin

I just wanted to say I think it's great that you take time to respond to cries of help from people with this horrible mentally exhausting illness. Well done! I have hideous self esteem issues and I think that plays a massive part in this. To start bullying yourself and questioning your own identity like this.... Awful! I have sympathy fir anyone going through this