Intrusive thoughts...

I’m 18 and I was diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety, and Depression when I was 5... I had been on Prozac until I was 17 when I decided I didn’t want to be on meds anymore… I wanted to live my life without feeling crazy because I’m on meds to control me.

Everything was fine… My OCD wasn’t freaking out that bad, I wasn’t as anxious… But lately I’ve noticed my thoughts have been getting worse, I’ve been more suicidal… For example, I get these intrusive sexual thoughts about my family members. Like my dad or my mom. I don’t understand them AT ALL. The thoughts always get worse when I’m supposed to be starting my period. I’ve recognized that these thoughts are from my OCD and it’s just my mind trying to mess with my head… but it’s getting hard to deal with. Like, I’ll just be laying down and randomly it’ll pop into my head of something sexual with my dad, and I know it’s the OCD, but I just don’t understand why it happens at all.

I feel like I’m just living a dream. Like, I don’t actually exist. I feel like nothing at all is real. The thoughts make me just want to kill myself just to end them…I just want relief from them, but I really don’t want to be put back on meds. From being 5-17 my life basically consisted of me being on meds… And I was a zombie then… I don’t wanna go back to that.

I want to talk to a counselor again to see what they say… like if there’s anything I can do to stop them without being on meds… but I’m not sure…

What do you guys think? Have any of you been through the same thing?

Hi, RainbowFlowers! Yes, I think that talking to a psych would be a good idea. You need a good doctor to help you. You can ask your regular doctor where you can find one.
The intrusive thoughts are due to the OCD and it's not your fault. You probably get more before your period because we're more irritable then, due to hormones.

The medicine was doing its job. Your brain needs it to maintain a chemical balance to prevent the bad thoughts and feelings you are now experiencing. Until you're older your hormones are going to have a significant effect that is difficult to overcome without medication.

You should look at the two options and write out the positives and negatives of each. That may help you decide the best solution.

My experience is that it is better to choose to accept some beneficial medicine than to choose to endure crippling thoughts and feelings. My OCD nephew (20-yo) has finally found a medicine mix that works, and he has hope for the first time.