Intrusive thoughts. Always feel the need to confess.

I have an anxiety disorder with mild OCD. I am currently 20. I was doing fine for the most part and wasn't that anxious because I was keeping busy and just thought I was over a lot of the things I used to worry about.... But this past month and a half I've finished my school year, and have quit my part time job so I have a lot of time to myself and I start to think a lot...

It brought back all these worries and intrusive thoughts I used to have... that I can't get out of my head and I can't control without confessing them to someone... confessing is my form of relief. I have to repeat what I say to make sure the person I'm confessing to (usually my mom or a friend..) to make sure they heard my correctly and understand me.... But it just makes my worries worse... when I relieve one worry, another arises... If I worry about one thing I worry 'what if' this happened and 'what if' that happened and it just gets bigger and bigger. It's almost non stop.

I obsess about things I used to do or have done when I was younger and obsess over if it was abnormal. These kinds of worries make me feel like I am a bad person or something... like I put myself in the mind frame I have now where I can think logically and consider what I did when I was a kid as the same mind frame I have now.... (does that make sense?) so I am always in a constant state of worry.

I've been pretty 'OKAY' lately but I find I have been ruining the relationships I have with people because of my constant confessing.. My mom for the most part does what he doctor told her to do (ignore me) but there are times like tonight when she yells at me and tells me to ###$ off. And a friend just told me I was the worst person he ever met.. So it makes me feel bad for being this way to people and using them to confess to to relieve my anxious thoughts.... I really don't want to do it but I can only keep it in me for so long before I run to them to confess..

Anyways, this is my first post and a friend of mine told me about this and I thought I would post some of my story...if you have any comments or advice, it would be greatly appreciated . Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

HI alwaysanxious,

See, you are very obsessive person and anxious, too. But this doesn't mean that you are bad person. You are just got surrounded by those mental illness. You need some help, i know. They are tired because of your lot of confessions. See i have one idea, if you want more confessions, then keep one diary with you,when you need to do it, just write it down. You read it carefully, and then don't think about it. You can find out solutions. But what kind of confessions you want? Any repent or solid wrong which makes you worry? It is obvious too much anxiety may ruin relationship.

Intrusive thoughts are hard to deal with. I deal with them a lot myself though I'm able to control them better. I can help you deal with them in terms of anxiety, is that is where most of it stems from.

There's an article that may help you as well that talks about how to eliminate intrusive thoughts that may be helpful to you.

http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.co ... ughts.html


Have you sought out any treatment for the anxiety or the ocd at all ?

I had the same problem. You don't need to confess your thoughts to people. The thoughts you're having have no meaning. I think you might benefit from CBT, if your not doing it already.

Ravine wrote:HI alwaysanxious,

See, you are very obsessive person and anxious, too. But this doesn't mean that you are bad person. You are just got surrounded by those mental illness. You need some help, i know. They are tired because of your lot of confessions. See i have one idea, if you want more confessions, then keep one diary with you,when you need to do it, just write it down. You read it carefully, and then don't think about it. You can find out solutions. But what kind of confessions you want? Any repent or solid wrong which makes you worry? It is obvious too much anxiety may ruin relationship.

Ty for your response and suggestion. Sometimes I do write down what i'm worried about and I think it can help. maybe I should do it more regularly.

Anyhow, well... the things I worry about and confess are things I did when I was a kid.. Like things that seem sexual or sinful. And I think part of the reason I worry about it is because I am gay and they involve other boys. At the time didn't think anything of it or think twice. I just liked it, or was maybe curious? But now I dwell on it. I feel like what I did was bad or abnormal as if it was wrong for me to like it and it eats me up inside...

Butterfly Faerie wrote:Intrusive thoughts are hard to deal with. I deal with them a lot myself though I'm able to control them better. I can help you deal with them in terms of anxiety, is that is where most of it stems from.

There's an article that may help you as well that talks about how to eliminate intrusive thoughts that may be helpful to you.

http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.co ... ughts.html


Have you sought out any treatment for the anxiety or the ocd at all ?

Yes, I definitely need help. Thank you for the article btw!

I have seen a child psychiatrist when I was younger who prescribed me effexor and I saw a psychologist about once a month up until grade 10 and slowly stopped seeing her... recently I've been referred to a new psychiatrist because I am an adult now so the child psychiatrist wont prescribe my medication anymore... my family doctor also recently upped my dosage because of my anxiety/OCD being pretty bad lately and it's helped a bit but not enough.

My appointment with the psychiatrist is actually next Friday... after a 3 month wait. I'm mostly nervous about having to tell him these personal things I confess.

There's nothing to be stressed out about. It is better for him to know then to not, otherwise he cannot treat you properly.
CBT that was mentioned is a great tool to use for anxiety, I used it since I was 16, i'm 29 and still use it. I'm also on Effexor as well.


Hang in there, anxiety can be conquered, before you know it you'll be changed that name from alwaysanxious to something more positive. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. Hang in there...

I did that for a few years myself. It eventually drove people away.

I totally understand your need to do it. I don't know how many years I have wasted pacing around worrying about the same five minutes that happened in the past over and over. The only thing that ever seemed to help was telling people about it... but yeah.. they usually get tired of it and are suddenly either waaay to busy to spend time with me, or they just would disappear without warning.

It's a good thing that you are writing it out. Blogging really helped me. It gave me a chance to read over my own thoughts and realize that I was just repeating myself in different ways. I finally started doing things to break the cycle ...cognitive therapy is really good, so is assertiveness training.

but sharing my thoughts with others is still my best way of coping. And sharing them online ensures that if people are tired of hearing about it, they don't have to read my blog/website/forum post. And I no longer feel like I am intruding on anyone, but my need to get it out is met.

alwaysanxious wrote:[quote="

Anyhow, well... the things I worry about and confess are things I did when I was a kid.. Like things that seem sexual or sinful. And I think part of the reason I worry about it is because I am gay and they involve other boys. At the time didn't think anything of it or think twice. I just liked it, or was maybe curious? But now I dwell on it. I feel like what I did was bad or abnormal as if it was wrong for me to like it and it eats me up inside...

[/quote]

Maybe you are just responding to the feelings your have in your heart verses the feeling you get from others in society. Since Gay marriage is now a government issue causing so much controversy and revealing the level at which some people are in opposition over the idea of same sex relations, verses your own feeling that it was something you needed to do or experiment with in order to truly be yourself.

I have come to the conclusion that people with "disorders" are simply normal people who are having trouble coping with the fact that we live in such a chaotic..yet very controlled... environment. And no matter what we do, SOMEONE will be offended.

For example, on that issue alone.. if I were to share my view with the church I attend that I feel being gay is something that is inherent in some peoples genes and therefore not a sin, I would be ridiculed and told that I am siding with the devil. Despite the fact that I am completely straight myself. Like wise, if I told a gay activist that I gave tithes to my church knowing that some of the money would be used in an anti gay campaign, I would be called a fascist, and told that I was contributing to discrimination.

All I can suggest is that you try to become comfortable liking what you like even though you know that it offends some people. It really seems there's nothing else we can do.

everyone has bad thoughts - but people with OCD have bad thoughts they can't even control. it's not fair if it's ruining your relationships with people because its not you, its a disorder.

you're not a terrible person, and you certainly cannot judge your actions in the past when you were a kid and didn't know any better.

anyway, when my parents got annoyed with my "confessing" they told me to pray about it. I don't know how religious you are but it made me feel better to feel like I was telling someone without physically telling someone. you should try writing it down.. and then rip it up and throw it away!