Is this HOCD or denial?

Hey everyone! For starters I am a young adult female who has never had a serious relationship before. Ever since a few weeks ago I assumed I was straight. I had one instance in covid I thought I was gay (attributed this to just being lonely), then another a few months ago when I realized I was noticing and staring at boobs more. I didn’t attune this to being lesbian though, and just probs thought it was me admiring them etc because (I dont think) I was to touch or feel them. But then a few weeks ago I started having obsessive realizations that maybe I am just gay. These are so upsetting. Because I don’t want to be (not that I have anything wrong with the community). I don’t know if it is just because I am really confused or just such an over-thinker. I have always and only imagined being with men and I have only ever liked being with men. I still after contemplating it, am wondering if maybe I am gay and just can’t picture it because I am so far in denial. It literally is taking over my life. Its also so hard d because this past weekend I met a guy and I liked him, I got nervous about him coming to something. Anytime I have seen an attractive man in the past they intimidate me, but now in the past few weeks thats all gone. I just want to feel how I did before I started obsessing over this. But then I am like maybe I am gay? It has me looking back at ALL my past hookups. Like even my first kiss which I ended so fast, and over hookups where I ended fast. I can’t even remember the good ones (were there any?!) because my mind is convincing me so hard I am lesbian. I really don’t know what to do, because it makes me sick to my stomach that I might be gay but all I want to be is straight. Is that just because I am scared? But I don’t imagine myself with a woman. Things like the lesbian manifesto and looking up how people realized they were gay has been SO hard for me. But yea any advice + etc would really help ❤️