Is this HOCD or denial?

Hey everyone! For starters I am a young adult female who has never had a serious relationship before. Ever since a few weeks ago I assumed I was straight. I had one instance in covid I thought I was gay (attributed this to just being lonely), then another a few months ago when I realized I was noticing and staring at boobs more. I didn’t attune this to being lesbian though, and just probs thought it was me admiring them etc because (I dont think) I was to touch or feel them. But then a few weeks ago I started having obsessive realizations that maybe I am just gay. These are so upsetting. Because I don’t want to be (not that I have anything wrong with the community). I don’t know if it is just because I am really confused or just such an over-thinker. I have always and only imagined being with men and I have only ever liked being with men. I still after contemplating it, am wondering if maybe I am gay and just can’t picture it because I am so far in denial. It literally is taking over my life. Its also so hard d because this past weekend I met a guy and I liked him, I got nervous about him coming to something. Anytime I have seen an attractive man in the past they intimidate me, but now in the past few weeks thats all gone. I just want to feel how I did before I started obsessing over this. But then I am like maybe I am gay? It has me looking back at ALL my past hookups. Like even my first kiss which I ended so fast, and over hookups where I ended fast. I can’t even remember the good ones (were there any?!) because my mind is convincing me so hard I am lesbian. I really don’t know what to do, because it makes me sick to my stomach that I might be gay but all I want to be is straight. Is that just because I am scared? But I don’t imagine myself with a woman. Things like the lesbian manifesto and looking up how people realized they were gay has been SO hard for me. But yea any advice + etc would really help ❤️

The fact that you are obsessively ruminating on it and it’s ‘taking over your life’ makes me pretty confident that this is HOCD. It’s actually normal for a woman to look at another women’s chest. And even if you were gay/bi (which I don’t think you are) would it be the end of the world?
To me it sounds like you are anxiously doubting yourself and ruminating on it, which is hallmark OCD behavior. You need to manage your ruminating. Because even if you finally decide that you aren’t gay and move on, there will be another thing that causes you anxiety and to spin out on it. I am speaking from experience here.
The real issue here is not if you’re gay, it’s your tendencies to obsessively ruminate. I highly recommend reading / watching videos on how to manage OCD ruminations, otherwise you’ll spend all your time trying to deal with the ‘issues’ OCD pushes into your mind and not the OCD itself.