Do you have any opinion? Feeling guilty (POCD)

I wonder that is there anyone here who has experience like ı was experiencing?

Yesterday I was watching a video on X. There was a girl who is 8-9 years old. While I was watching this video, suddenly I looked her leg and butt. (Firstly I was listening her and I was looking her face) I think I thought that, I feel a urge and I did. I'm not sure it was intrusive thing or not. In my opinion it was not. Because right before I didn't feel any disturbance. It kills me... Because I had to be feel bad... I shouldn't look. When this thoughts came to my mind, I should say like "#######4."

Actually this theme is not first for me... In the past, I was struggling this theme. Once when I was talking with my mom I looked her leg. Then I felt guilty etc.

After that moment I felt anxiety for a while, also I'm experiencing this anxiety. I am asking myself why I did that? In the past I struggled pocd, hocd and false memory ocd. But this context I feel guilty... Because I didn't have intrusive thoughts in that moment, I'm feeling like I did it willingly...

After that my pocd came back. Actually I think everbody can experience this situation in the world. But I don't know. I'm not pedo, I know it. But I feel that I shouldn't look kids's leg etc.

If you have a fear of being attracted to something, and you have OCD, your mind will invariably bring up those thoughts. It doesn’t confirm at all that you are what you fear, it only confirms that you still fear it. The same is true of where you might glance. If there’s something disgusting right in front of us, many people involuntarily glance at it even though they don’t want to.
The important thing here is that you reacted negatively to your eyes briefly checking out your mom and a young girl. You cannot be blamed for a thought that pops into your head you didn’t want or your eyes glancing at something you don’t want to glance at.
The more you fear it, the more it’s likely to happen. It’s just the way OCD works.If you trust yourself and ignore those glances or intrusive thoughts, the fear will eventually subside and stop happening.

catnaps wrote:If you have a fear of being attracted to something, and you have OCD, your mind will invariably bring up those thoughts.

I can attest to this. At the height of my POCD a year ago and the many months following, I would get disturbing mental pictures in my head at the sight of anything that would trigger me. Even just minding my own business with no triggers I would occasionally get intrusive images.

They did eventually stop, almost completely, a few months ago once my anxiety went down surrounding this theme, but now that I'm currently in an awful flare-up stage, they are back and unfortunately pretty frequent.