Pocd with Real Event

I'm 28 years old And I struggled many ocd themes including hocd, pocd and etc.

Yesterday I was watching a youtube video and there was a girl about 8 or 9 years old. I saw her leg and butt, and then suddenly I looked it. I didn't feel any sexsual things, but after I looked I felt very guilty. Thoughts popped up to my mind like "Did you want it?", "Did you attract her legs?"

I know I'm not pedophile. May be this is normal thing whick is a everyone experienced. But now I am worrying that I attracted that girl?

What do you think? Is this normal?

Hello and welcome.

I think this is perfectly normal. People get all sorts of stray thoughts in their head, they suddenly notice things, etc. And most people let it go and don't think another thing about that thought. An ordinary person, a Normie as I like to call them, would have maybe thought 'well that was an odd thing for me to think', and then let it go. If they even were that self-aware. I wager that most times they might not have even gone that far with the thoughts you had when you looked.

It's when you have OCD that you pick apart every random thought that has even a little to do with whatever current fear (or past fears) that you've been obsessing over. I have had Harm OCD for many years- intrusive thoughts and anxieties about hurting others. I had to train myself to disregard random thoughts like that. I do the same with POCD- that is to say, I've never suffered from POCD in any meaningful fashion, because early on, when my OCD tried to take me down that particular rabbit-hole to self-Hell, I squashed such ruminations quickly- I wouldn't let myself go down that line of thinking, and refused to let myself start to wonder if my touching a child was sexual, or if an image of a child was something that sexually excited me.

I think part of the problem is that we're sexual beings. And sexual thoughts, desires, proclivities, etc., are not always well defined- they're not Black and White, they're not Ones and Zeros. They're fuzzy, they're sometimes very ill-defined, they're sometimes very difficult for a person to put a label on. And OCD screams at us that everything be Yes or No, and that we can put a label on everything. Even when we can't.

Any of us might have done what you did. In isolation, it means nothing. Nothing. Noticing a minor's body in a photo, video, whatever, doesn't mean a thing unless it's part of a larger pattern.

If you were a pedo, you'd know it. We had a Paraphilias forum- it's now locked, but we used to be a safe haven for pedo/hebe/ephebophiles to discuss their quandary. They bloody well knew what they were attracted to, and what they weren't attracted to. If you have to ask yourself 'am I a pedo', and you have a history of OCD, then you can probably blame it on the OCD. I've had plenty of sexual angst over my lifetime that in other people in this forum would probably be HOCD. You mention you've had HOCD. Well, in my case, I'm Bisexual. And I know bloody well what turns me on and what doesn't, no matter how much I ruminate over it and feel angsty over it and hate it and all the rest. I've obsessed plenty over my sexuality, but I've never had HOCD because well, when you want the same sex, you want the same sex and you can fool yourself only to a certain extent that it ain't so. Well, it's the same with genuine pedophiles. The heart wants what the heart wants, and the heart darn well knows it.

But what you posted, I'm willing to put money that most people experience things like that, and don't think much of it, because they aren't pedophiles. The trouble comes with us, because with OCD, we always pick everything we think and say and do apart with a fine-toothed comb, we overanalyse, we equate a thought, with reality. Just because I think of doing something, doesn't mean I really want to do it, or would ever do it, or am compelled to do it. But with OCD, it can be really hard to remember that. With OCD, we always leap to conclusions and take things to the worst logical imagined outcome. And we have wicked good imaginations when it comes to thinking up things we fear being, doing, or having happen to us. And that's something we have to learn to not do.

Thank you!

But it was not like ocd things, I am feeling like that. So theese thougts are worrying for me. I shouldn't looked her. When thougts popped up to me, I must be feel uncomfortable. Because, she is just a kid. I didn't act like that...