Intrusive questioning, could I get a hand?

ShameGuiltGoober wrote:You are so strong, stronger than you realize.

How can I move past feeling like I did horrible things for twenty years? How does someone forgive themself? How do you love yourself again?

I see your pain. You are not alone in this. Please recognize that you don't deserve this, despite what your OCD is trying to tell you. I know I'm an internet stranger, but I'm actually crying right now because I emphasize so much with the pain you are going through. You are so brave and strong, and you can get through this.

Can I call myself a good person?

This is all or nothing thinking.

Snaga is right, with OCD nothing will ever be enough. You could literally lead the perfect life and OCD will find something to obsess over. It's not a reflection of your worth as a human, only of some unfortunate wiring in your brain.

I appreciate your kind words. Truly I do. I’m actively back in therapy right now, and I’m trying to do any compulsions less, eventually weening off of them entirely. That will of course include compulsively posting to this site. But I really wanted to thank you. You both have been very kind to me. I saw an OCD therapist yesterday and was bawling. It was the most I had ever cried in a session. It all came crashing down on me. But after the session I felt hopeful for the first time in a while. Even a spark of happiness. I’m trying to believe in my own strength to overcome this even if it does feel hard, sometimes impossible.

Right now I’m still struggling, especially with worrying about legality, since actually then US is kinda vague. I know there are tons of people like me, and I have joined an OCD support group, which also seems promising. I’m going to try my best to take my life back.