Is this real? It felt like a true statement. Real me?

Hi, I really tried. I decided not to engage with many thoughts about my theme. But this one felt very hard to ignore. Why does it have to be like this? I have trouble with dreams, they are sexual. Today I have been having thoughts and one came to my mind that was like this, "to have the sexual dreams or sexual thoughts so I can enjoy them/have them without guilt" and not like this in the day which gives me a lot of stress and sadness. It was like a wish, as if it came from my true self. I don't remember the details well, I don't know, man. What was that? It felt real, like I wanted it, very genuine. Why? Obviously I don't want to keep having these thoughts and dreams. What do I do, please tell me if this is a symptom or not. I am so tired. Theres no day i don't cry, for this and other things

I find that dreams can be a thing desired, a thing feared, or just a thing that's been on my mind lately.

I remember something after analyzing, in my dreams or half awake can't remember 100% but i had this exact same thought and I start to worried and it showed later in the day too. And I worried when i was sleeping and i tried to not to engage but i still did a little.

Snaga wrote:I find that dreams can be a thing desired, a thing feared, or just a thing that's been on my mind lately.

But i dont desire that... im worried

The OCD mind can trick you into believing all sort of things that aren't true. This can be evident in looking back at something you used to be OCD about (if the subject of your OCD has ever changed). If you think back on it, you can usually see clearly that you were overly worried about something that was wildly unlikely or untrue. But then that's not always the case either, it reallly depends what your OCD is focused around.

Even if the above isn't the case for you, basically, who you truly are isn't a thought that pops into your head. There are literal books written on this subject. When it comes to OCD: You are not your thoughts. For example, even people without OCD will sometimes get bitter, resentful or hateful thoughts/feelings that pop into their head - but it's also not what they believe or who they are or want to be, so they dismiss the thought or feeling. People with OCD hold onto that thought/feeling and have a lot of fear and doubt that 'what if this thought is me / true about me?' They ruminate on it, which makes you scared of it being true and the thoughts come in more and more, and get harder and harder to dismiss. The doubt grows that maybe this terrible thing about yourself is true, and so a cycle of doubt and reassurance starts.

I feel like you probably already know that this thing you're worried about is not true. Though it's way harder to know that when you're tired or spiralling out in anxiety. In this circumstance it's literally a dream you're worried about. Which is just the brain randomly firing at night. I've had so many messed up and disturbing dreams that if I questioned if they said something about me I'd think I was a monster. In my experience and those of my friends, the first step to get out of this is to understand it. I'd urge you to read up more on OCD & Anxiety, and try to anticipate the traps your brain will fall into. In my experience it takes a lot of discipline and sitting through horrible anxiety without acting on it to re-train your brain out of bad habits and OCD patterns, but it's so worth it in the end.

Hope you're doing well.

Hello Catnaps! I really appreciate your answer. Im going to learn more about these conditions, thank you so so much. I've been better lately but then another new thought came! Hypothetical scenario... im trying to let it go, but it's so difficult. Thank you so much again!

Glad I could help!
With OCD there will always be a new thought, doubt, hypothetical scenario - but you can get to the point where these thoughts roll off your back more and more and your reaction to them is less and less. It is EXTREMELY difficult at first. But I promise it will get easier in time. Just know that each time you push through the anxiety is a big win over your OCD and sets your future self up for success.

What catnaps said.

My harm OCD thoughts only ceased to be an issue when I learned to not care about getting them. And it's very very hard at first. There's nothing magical about it, it takes practice. And constant exercising. All it would take for me to let something worry me just a little... and some things still do get to me. But the things I've managed to whup, I am vigilant against.