Real cp or not? SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME

Real or not? I might end it all

Trigger Warning: CP





I am really freaking out right now and I'm on the edge. Last year I have had thoughts about watching r(pe scenes from shows I have watched(all legal ones). Some of the victims were teenagers (13-17) and some shows were with real actors. I'm now getting convinced that because of the real actors it is considered real cp. At one point I think I'm being silly. They are actors, nobody got abused on the set, it is just fictional. I also told my therapist about it and she didn't call any cops or claimed that it is a crime. I also did not watch these scenes despite having such thoughts.

I understand why I had these thoughts. When I was 15-16 yrs old I was highly sexual curious so anything involving that made me curious. And when I really wanted to watch sex scenes I watched scenes from shows with adult characters (with consent). But Idk I'm now really freaking out. Is it considered real cp? How am I any different from the predators who watch real cp? I'm considering turning myself in because of how much the thought of it being the latter kills me (and no, I don't give a $#%^ if that makes me a p or not, I'm terrified that I thought of literally committing a terrible, awful crime). Somebody please help me!

Hey there, reassurances won't make it better, but I don't think you are a criminal, pervert, or anything other than a normal teenager. REAL cp is actually really hard to come across fortunately.