POCD is breaking me

I'm not sure if folks are ever 'cured' of OCD, for me it's something that we manage, like being an alcoholic. We have to keep on our toes; we have to avoid thought patterns that will restart the obsessive fears. My OCD themes may sleep for a while; I might learn to manage them, but they jump back on you in an instant, when you let them.

I try to even think if I did some form of abuse by this what it would evff we n be considered? I hate this disorder

Kids want and need touch. Adults (ones that don't hate kids, anyway) want to touch them. Who doesn't love snuggling with a kid they care for? Up to a certain age, I am not above giving even little fanny-pats to a young child in my sphere of care/love. There is nothing overtly sexual in my motivation. I refuse- that is, I make the decision not to- to feel as if I'm a monster for touching a child in a non-salacious manner. I will not let my brain go there, and I will not second-guess myself. Until I find myself doing something sexual with a child, in front of a child, or doing a bona-fide 'bad touch', I will not second-guess myself. I know where an adult's hands should and shouldn't go and I know when something appropriate for a four-year old would be wildly inappropriate when they're a little older. I know what's right, and I know what's wrong, and I won't let my brain mess with me.

That's what you've got to do with yourself. That or something like it. You've got to tell yourself 'enough is enough I've done nothing wrong' and let it go.