Would a third opinion be redundant?

My last therapists and my current one are marriage and family therapists when I've expressed my problems that I'm having with my thought's, feelings and impulses they've both said that they think I'm not straight. Would getting a third opinion be redundant? Should I just be ok with how I currently feel and work on the process of acceptance? The problem is that I don't know what either of my therapists specializes in. When I went to the doctors to schedule my first appointment with my current therapists i told her that i have a diagnosis of OCD. The therapists is paid for through our Healthcare provider and the provider are the ones that diagnosed me with OCD. I understand that nobody can give me medical advice, but I'm just unsure what to do.

I'm a little lost here. So, before you went to see marriage and family therapists and before you went to the doctors to schedule my first appointment with my current therapists (who are marriage and family therapists) you got a diagnosis of OCD from a therapist who is just a regular therapist, not marriage and family. Correct?

It seems you have posted here before but I have not read any of those posts. If your symptoms have been such that a regular therapist diagnosed you with OCD, I would not override that diagnosis with what a marriage and family counselor says, as a general rule.

If possible I would seek out a therapist who deals with OCD/Anxiety disorders specifically. I have a friend who has a PhD in Psych and she admits that she doesn't know OCD that well, much less HOCD, so she tends to stay off it.

Seeing that you have posted so much I sense you know the general idea is behind HOCD. The idea is that one has no real interest in sex/romance with the same gender but fears that they do.

Again, I haven't read your posts but seeking out the right therapist, is imperative.

Otter wrote:I'm a little lost here. So, before you went to see marriage and family therapists and before you went to the doctors to schedule my first appointment with my current therapists (who are marriage and family therapists) you got a diagnosis of OCD from a therapist who is just a regular therapist, not marriage and family. Correct?

Sorry for my disorganized writing


I was diagnosed with OCD four years ago through my health care provider. Starting in August or September 2020 I started talking to a private therapist, because it was hard to talk to one through our health care provider(due to covid). when I started talking to him about my thoughts, he said that he thought I was bisexual. I didn't talk to him much about my thoughts and feelings because I was afraid to however. In April of 2021 my feelings started to feel different to my previous episodes, so i eventually told my mother. As a result we went to mine and my step dads doctor and she referred me to the mental health department (when i mentioned that i have OCD). When I started talking to this therapist, who is also a marriage and family therapist she told me that she believes in sexual fluidity, and that at my age (18) it is perfectly reasonable to expect such a thing to occur. This therapist works for the same Healthcare provider that diagnosed me with OCD( so I assume she has access to my medical records, but I don't know). It was a completely different person that diagnosed me ,and I dont know what she was, wheather it be a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Also if two therapists are telling me that they think it isn't ocd, then is it reasonable to ask a third therapist for there opinion? I don't know what my previous two therapists specialized in, I thought telling my doctor that I suffer from OCD would of helped get me the right type of therapist but I guess not, unless my current therapist does specialize in E.R.P. and C.B.T. but I can't figure that out, and if she specializes in that does that imply that she knows what OCD is?

Kaleb28 wrote:When I started talking to this therapist, who is also a marriage and family therapist she told me that she believes in sexual fluidity, and that at my age (18) it is perfectly reasonable to expect such a thing to occur.

Oh dear me, that would spark a vigorous debate, if she told me that. Males in particular, I call bull on that idea.

A few questions and comments.

Sexuality and OCD are two different things and issues with them should be recognized as such. However, they can come together when symptoms of OCD latches on to sexuality as a theme. I too believe in sexual fluidity but that doesn't mean everyone will follow the same path regarding how they experience or express their desires for sex.

Do you have any desire for a same-sex relationship or any kind of experimenting? For instance, I have two friends who had a same-sex experience and found it wasn't for them and spent the rest of their life in a heterosexual relationship. But they were perfectly fine with experimenting. I also have friends who are Bisexual. What is your feeling about this whole subject? What did you tell your therapist that made them believe you might be Bi?

I would ask your present therapist directly - do they have experience with anxiety disorders and specifically OCD. As I said, sexuality and anxiety are two different things and should be treated as such. If they come together in OCD, then that should be treated separately as well. A good therapist will help you understand the differences.

Otter wrote:they can come together when symptoms of OCD latches on to sexuality as a theme

Being OCD, you're going to overthink it. You just are. AmIstraight? AmIgay? I'm gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. Nope I'm straight. I'm gay. No I'm straight.

Over and over and over.

I judge what my sexuality is by fantasy, porn habits, desires and practices. I do not- can not- let OCD lead me down rabbit-holes.

There are things I really like about women. really, really like- a lot. There are some things I like about men- a lot. Ergo, I'm Bi. No more questioning, no more thinking, no more obsessing. I picked one. Whether I find it personally convenient or not, is beside the point- all I can do is make the best guess, based on the data. Before I did that, I often questioned it, bouncing back and forth between thinking I'm Straight and just messed up, or thinking I'm Gay and there's no hope for me all my pretensions of liking women is a lie. I had to go where the evidence lay- and the way to do that was to get outside of my own headspace and look at things dispassionately, as if they did not have a bit of personal consequence. As if I had no dog in that fight; no skin in that game. As if I didn't bloody care what the result is.

Now, if I try to tell myself I'm straight- well, I know better because I know what I think about a lot.

If I feel despair because I'm just gay gay gay- well, a few minutes watching Burlesque on YouTube firmly and enjoyably disabuses me of that silly notion. I am so not Gay.

Until you can do that- and you just DO it there's no magical method- then OCD will have its way with you.

Otter wrote:Do you have any desire for a same-sex relationship or any kind of experimenting?

I'm unsure, I've never actually felt 100% calm during this whole ordeal, and because of that I've been having a hard time looking at my feelings objectively. Whenever I attempt to do so I feel scared because I don't want to feel comfortable with how I feel.

Otter wrote:For instance, I have two friends who had a same-sex experience and found it wasn't for them and spent the rest of their life in a heterosexual relationship. But they were perfectly fine with experimenting. I also have friends who are Bisexual. What is your feeling about this whole subject?

I'm a little confused be your question. Are you asking me what I feel about experimenting or what I feel about bisexuality, or is it both?

If it's both then I don't think I'd jump at the opportunity to do either just because I'm anxious and because I'm to afraid to figure out wheather I like it or not

Otter wrote:What did you tell your therapist that made them believe you might be Bi?

I believe I told them that I found men attractive, which is true men are very attractive (now that makes me anxious of course) but up until a little over a year ago I didn't find men attractive. And sense then I've found women less attractive then I used to. But of course I think that's were it ends I don't know if I'd do anything sexual or romantic with a guy.

I get anxiety because I'm afraid that I'm going to be like this forever and that I at the very least won't like women in the same way with the same intensity ever again

My feelings change a lot somedays women can be very attractive somedays men are. I used to find a penis to be utterly disgusting and revolting, yet there are somedays that they look good and then there are somedays that they look bad.

Snaga wrote:picked one. Whether I find it personally convenient or not, is beside the point- all I can do is make the best guess, based on the data.

I really wish I could, there are days that I want to believe that I've always been like this and that I'm over reacting but I know that's not the case.

The thing that makes me think it's ocd is that fact that I well, think about it all the time, but I could also chalk that up to the fact that sexuality is a major part of our lives so of course I'm going to think about it. But at the same I don't want to do anything other then think about it. Merely having an unpleasant obsession doesn't make it ocd right? Plus I read that a person with ocd doesn't feel pleasure with there thoughts. What does that mean. I find men to be very attractive and yet it makes me anxious. That's definitely not pleasurable and yet the attraction that causes the anxiety is right? I think I feel the anxiety however because I don't want to feel this way.