Really struggling - a lifelong undiagnosed anxiety?

Hi guys! New member to the forum!

I need some help guys. I'm 27.

Ever since I've been a kid, I've been labelled a worrier, worrying about menial things like losing my school books, my school bag. My anxiety seemed to jump from one thing to the next. Initially, it was social situations, then being anxious about cleanliness, then it jumped to my sexuality for a number of years, then it's been about work for a number of years. I fear *not* being anxious because I think something will go wrong.

I have a tendency on ruminate on things at work (work has been stressful) and an inability to let things go. Work pressures are getting me and giving me constant anxiety. I am unsure I'm in the right career, and I take a lot of guilt home about not having executed a perfect shift. As an aside to this, I also have this constant irrational fear of being arrested. During the phase (which is still ongoing) of me questioning my sexuality, I liked to search up "hot" images of the same gender on Google, Instagram and Tumblr and relieving myself to said images, which would invariably be shirtless/model-style images of young men but not pornographic, who looked around similar age to me, which through some digging, I now realise some of these images were (unwittingly) of guys <18, which has me freaking out about it "catching up with me". I ruminate about this, get temporary relief then the anxieties come back that I'll be arrested, rinse and repeat.

I fear going to work, I fear the world, I fear being arrested, I fear it all.

Essentially, I feel burnt out and not mentally "well" and I'm not sure where to go from here. People are starting to notice I have a lot on my mind. I've gone through counselling before for work-related stress but I suspect what I have is a more fundamental, life-long problem (I haven't had a formal diagnosis of anything) that, admittedly, I function well with, but I'm not sure for how long this will be the case.

Hello and welcome to the forums!

Well, if you can, you might consider some counseling that takes on a wider scope than just work- which I sympathise with in spades, my last job was unrelenting stress for me. It wears on a person; I know how it feels to feel used up.

You sound a lot like me- I have general anxiety issues and also some OCD behaviors. I take meds which help with the anxiety- or at least, take some of the edge off- and only when I take them consistently which I'm terrible about doing and I can tell when I miss some doses. Not to push pills but you might also consider talking to your doctor about your anxiety. I don't care being dependent upon meds but sometimes we just need a little help.