Climbing OCD mountain

Hi all.
It has taken 5 years to realise it, but I may very well have undiagnosed OCD. Whilst no one here can say whether this is or isn't OCD, I am treating it as it.
I am a 22 year old who is a very high functioning autistic and has always had obsessive tendencies. At first it was about drains, then nuclear weapons/war, mario etc.
It did not affect my day to day life and was about positive things.

***TRIGGER WARNING- Mentions of CSEM and similar distressing topics. ***

That changed at 17 when I visited a couple darkweb CSEM sites. That tapered off after 1 month and ceased after 3 1/2. After reading up on the law, I learnt very quickly that accessing such forums without saving/downloading CSEM was a Very Serious Crime.
I am fairly confident now that the event triggered POCD and ROCD. Prior to covid, I would get these OCD attacks every 3-4 months. Ever since 2020, it has been constant up to several times every week.

During these episodes
I would constantly research about what makes someone access such reprehensible material. I would constantly conjure up thoughts about children doing sexual acts to see if I would achieve an erection or any signs of arousal. Most times nothing happened, although my brain would convince me that I found it appealing, which lead to more testing. Every-time I am around children and teenagers, I check for any signs of arousal. It feels extremely awkward when I glance in the direction of a child for more than a split second. I would be paranoid that I gave off p*do vibes through unconscious body language. I have googled this distressing subject THOUSANDS if not TENs of THOUSANDS of times to gather information to reassure me that I am not a sexual deviant. I have had false memories about whether I did anything inappropriate with younger relatives. I asked my mother one time and she said that nothing happened. That memory got my age wrong!! I was also wearing jeans at the time, not flexible pants. I gave looked at stock images of adults and children and tried to compare my arousal to both photos. Sometimes I would get a partial erection and it would make me go into despair. I have also researched a lot about POCD. The doubt truly kills me sometimes.

Then there's the OCD over the real event.
Am I an evil monster? A deviant? Should I off myself? Why do people tell me to move on if the children in that material are traumatised FOREVER?

It is confusing sometimes. My identity is gone now...