Where do I go from here?

I’m completely just lost right now I don’t think this is HOCD anymore. I tested myself and looked at Trans porn with a trans woman and man and I could get off to it I tried this 4 times in the last day and it feels as if I want it? I have no anxiety to this just depression as to how this has happened. I don’t get that turned on by it but I can ejaculate to it by being mostly flaccid? Iv tried to recreate this by thinking of animals or something else but it doesn’t work. I just feel like this isn’t real I don’t understand why I’m not anxious or panicking about this. I turned on trans porn and imagined I was giving oral and getting penetrated and it felt as if I wanted it or I’d enjoy it? This hasn’t happened to me before? I’m just so lost and confused right now that this could happen? I never thought this could happen. Like I said I don’t feel anxious or anything when I watch it or trying to get off to it so I can’t say that it is groinal response.

Is there anyone that could help?

Lot of supposedly straight guys look at trans porn for whatever various reasons- point is, the trans woman is still presenting as a woman, so I don't think it's wise, or reliable, to 'check' via that. Or any porn, for that matter. I'm sure many of us can (and do) get off to things that we've no interest in, in the real world.

Snaga wrote:Lot of supposedly straight guys look at trans porn for whatever various reasons- point is, the trans woman is still presenting as a woman, so I don't think it's wise, or reliable, to 'check' via that. Or any porn, for that matter. I'm sure many of us can (and do) get off to things that we've no interest in, in the real world.

Thanks for your reply

The thing is it doesn’t give me an erection looking at it I’ll just have a really intense groinal response no erection and then when I masturbate with that groinal I’ll still not be erect but can get to ejaculation very fast? I don’t know if it’s the groinal that is causing me to ejaculate that fast but I know I don’t get erections to it.
Also what bothered me was I got this feeling that day that I enjoyed it I know that can happen in ocd but it really spooked me and aswell as not feeling anxiety or dread.

Sexuality and how the body responds to things is so complex... I think the best thing is to simply try not to check. Only look at stuff that you know you enjoy looking at, no matter what that is (well, within bounds of legality, anyway), and don't worry about it...