Ocd testing checking

Hi, I don’t want to be graphic but I have been testing myself if I can get aroused by looking at a trigger, because of getting Groinal responses while I was masturbating . I have been looking at a trigger and I have been getting Groinal responses while being aroused which elevated my physical arousal and I felt emotionally numb which scared be because I thought if I don’t feel strong anxiety I must liked it. So I started to test myself and I focused on the trigger and I masturbated to it and I couldn’t get aroused so I knew this doesn’t arouse me. So then I looked at the trigger and didn’t have any emotions or feelings, and I focused my mind on my genitals to climax and I did, now I have a anxiety attack and gulit feeling with sadness that I did this.

-- Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:23 pm --

Why did I managed to climax, when I focused on my genitals to have a climax while looking at the trigger? But I could not climax when I focused on the trigger while masturbating. Does it mean I just created physical arousal to see If I could create one ? And when I focused on trigger I didn’t get aroused because this doesn’t arouse me ? I’m a right ?

OcdSuffer wrote:Does it mean I just created physical arousal to see If I could create one ?

I think so. Testing and checking is BAD. If a person tries hard enough, I'm pretty sure most folks can orgasm to anything. Best rule of thumb is if it's not something you really want to masturbate to, then don't!