Not sure if HOCD or in denial/closet

If you can't demonstrably ache for sexual contact with the same sex

I'm not sure if I ever did. The only thing I can really remember is being curious when I was really young or when I liked futa for all of a week when I was 14. I would think I would have had a stronger pull towards men, but at the same time now it feels like I do. Of course, remembering all that doesn't really help me feel much better about the whole thing. Kinda worries me that I only watched/looked at straight porn for the penis and I don't really remember what I used to really look at

I'd say for early teens, curiosity in anything sex-oriented is normal and I don't recall a whole lot being off the table for me and my mates when we were adolescents- most of them got interested in girls and only girls pretty quick- but not me. I remained fascinated with things boys 'aren't supposed to do'.

I like to tell people here what happens in adolescence, stays in it. It's when you find yourself still fascinated with something- without this terror HOCD creates- then, well, maybe you're a wee bit interested...

It's when you find yourself still fascinated with something- without this terror HOCD creates- then, well, maybe you're a wee bit interested...

I don't remember ever deliberately searching it out after the initial exotic hornyness. Man whatever this is its just miserable, I hope I still like women as I don't like thinking that all that past dreaming and even 1 relationship was all fake

I like that term. 'exotic horniness'.

Maybe it's my bisexual bias, but I think everyone can get interested in something that's taboo for them. For example, the book 'Lolita' didn't sell itself, yet I doubt all those millions and millions of copies were bought by hebephiles. Most people will never live out 50 Shades Of Grey.

but.... exotic horniness. An occasional straying into something that you'd never want to really do, does not make you that thing. Men doing things with men was titillating for a moment maybe, but that doesn't mean you're gay. For me, it's titillating all the time- I'm Bi. The libido wants what it wants, and if you wanted guys, believe me you'd want you some guys.

Another thing, I can't remember if I have discussed this or not and I feel kinda like I'm repeating myself, but I guess that's where the obsessiveness comes in? Anyways today I decided to go and relieve my morning wood and It took me seemingly forever and I basically lost my erection twice and idk why, but it is making this harder to understand DX

It doesn't take much sexual anxiety to kill a boner.

You're not on meds, are you? I take Lexapro and I can attest to the side effect that makes achieving orgasm a Herculean task. An acceptable trade, for less anxiety, but still, it exists.

But no, once you get anxiety about how/what to/if- anything to do with erections, those erections can get mighty coy sometimes. Have you felt anxious over having erections to the 'wrong' thing, or anxious over not having one to the 'right' thing?

You're not on meds, are you?

Not currently, I was on about 5-10 mg of Celexa last year though.

Have you felt anxious over having erections to the 'wrong' thing, or anxious over not having one to the 'right' thing?

I would have to say most definitely It also kinda goes with the earlier fast ejaculation when I saw the penis. I suppose it's possible that it's all anxiety, but it's so hard to shake the possibility of denial ugh

Only you can say whether something's denial, or not. I'm very good at denial, but the desire is still there, through the denial. Only a person can tell what they're attracted to, and what they're not. Denial isn't cluelessness; and cluelessness has a limited shelf life-once genuine sexual desire is felt- and not a transitory one at variance with one's core sexuality,but the real deal- it's not unfelt, I'll tell you that much. If you have had real desire for the same sex, you'd know it.

It's so hard for me to truly tell because I keep guessing and second guessing on repeat. I also have what I hope is a feitsh and nothing more of imagining being the woman in porn sometimes. There's too much going on in my head to make sense of anything and I hate to ask what is your opinion? Do you think I am from our conversations?

I also really don't remember deliberately searching out any same sex images outside of a once or twice out of curiosity at like 12-13 and I cannot say for sure if I ever felt any attraction to men as most of my memory of the time involving this stuff is hazy at best. I really do apologize for how ridiculous this all probably is, I just really want to go back to before all of this