HOCD can someone help?

“If kinky thoughts about penises heighten masturbation, seems to me there could be several explanations that don't include you wanting a boyfriend. [quote][/quote]


See that’s now what I worry about is it some sort of kink or fetish I have and that’s why it makes me ejaculate so quick and with little effort?

Am I in so much turmoil because I’m not accepting myself and if I do it will all go away? I just want to be normal I don’t want these thoughts or things to happen they don’t make me happy. I do sometimes get the feeling I’m attracted to it or I want to do it but I hate that feeling.

Like I test and test and test to examine myself on why I ejaculate so fast to that sometimes and compare it with other scenarios sometimes it works but it dosnt feel as intense and feels more forced compared to when it happens when seeing bj scene and I get the mouth sensation I’ll nearly reach the point of ejaculation in a matter of a second even if I didn’t feel like ejaculating just before I thought of it?

Iv just come to a point I want to figure all this out and fix it and move on with my life I’m exhausted of it I can’t even feel anxiety anymore and that worries me now aswell

Dunlop555 wrote:“If kinky thoughts about penises heighten masturbation, seems to me there could be several explanations that don't include you wanting a boyfriend.

See that’s now what I worry about is it some sort of kink or fetish I have and that’s why it makes me ejaculate so quick and with little effort?

Am I in so much turmoil because I’m not accepting myself and if I do it will all go away? I just want to be normal I don’t want these thoughts or things to happen they don’t make me happy. I do sometimes get the feeling I’m attracted to it or I want to do it but I hate that feeling.

Like I test and test and test to examine myself on why I ejaculate so fast to that sometimes and compare it with other scenarios sometimes it works but it dosnt feel as intense and feels more forced compared to when it happens when seeing bj scene and I get the mouth sensation I’ll nearly reach the point of ejaculation in a matter of a second even if I didn’t feel like ejaculating just before I thought of it?

Iv just come to a point I want to figure all this out and fix it and move on with my life I’m exhausted of it I can’t even feel anxiety anymore and that worries me now aswell

Could do with some insight on this if possible mate

I don't know what's in your head- seems to me if penises excited you, you'd know it for sure. I been thinking about penises ever since it first occurred to me that they were a real option. And it wasn't OMG do I like this it was OMG I want him to do me.

Snaga wrote:I don't know what's in your head- seems to me if penises excited you, you'd know it for sure. I been thinking about penises ever since it first occurred to me that they were a real option. And it wasn't OMG do I like this it was OMG I want him to do me.

The funny thing about all this is when I’m drunk all of this doesn’t bother me I feel straight. I do remember younger when I was drunk I had an urge like I wanted to kiss my friend and I nearly had a panic attack.

What worries me is I can be erect and just rubbing myself slowly and I’ll think of the whole bj thing and I’ll just feel like ejaculating out of nowhere I don’t know if I feel afraid or panicked in that moment I don’t want it to happen but it does I try to recreate it then and it doesn’t feel the same it happens when I least expect it to happen. Catches me off gaurd and I’m back depressed again.

I just want to figure this all out and move on with my life I can’t keep living my life like this. Is it possible that this isn’t ocd? I’m worried that I’ll have ocd but still am gay or bi? I also had a dream lately and the word bisexual was like wrote down somewhere in the dream is that some sort of sign from my subconscious?

I really appreciate too you replying to me aswell I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I can’t see my therapist as they havnt started doing appointments yet after covid so this is my only place and your the only person who’s replying to me about it so thank you

People are going to dream about things that are on their mind- so I would say a dream is a poor gauge to go by- yes I have dreams about the same sex but I wake up bummed out it was just a dream. I've also had all my teeth fall out in a dream- obviously, I don't want that to happen. I also have dreams about work- another thing I do not enjoy, but feel anxious over. So no, I'd say a dream to someone with an OCD style obsession means nothing but that you've been obsessing over it.

Try not to let yourself think of BJs while you're masturbating, ok? Unless that's something you genuinely want to do- I understand that thoughts pop in unwanted- don't let them bother you. If it ruins the mood then just stop masturbating, I guess. If a thought like that persists while you're masturbating, then I'd say only keep on if that's really something you want to get off to.

Dunlop555 wrote:I do remember younger when I was drunk I had an urge like I wanted to kiss my friend and I nearly had a panic attack.

Oh I used to get those urges sober- I think it's to do with intrusive thoughts of acting inappropriately- same urge hits to like pat a woman's bottom or something, or yell obscenities in church, or polite company. I don't even think some of it is sexual in nature- I mean the urges to inappropriately kiss or touch. It's just fear of not being in control of oneself, I tend to think. The only thing I worry about is when I get into my dotage (not all that many years away) I hope I don't inappropriately touch the young women if I wind up in a nursing home- I can totally see myself being handsy. I try not to obsess over it but you get a certain age, you start to wonder about those things...