The one incident that is not letting me to move forward.

so the reason for me posting this post? well again the same incident.
Last year when I was around 17 a little girl ( who was around 9 or 10 I guess?)

So I remember last year a 8 year old girl came to my room to play. She was closing the door for some reason. But I said her to keep the door opened. I thought it was the appropriate thing to do. I thought if I kept the door closed others would doubt me that I am doing bad to the kid. I thought it was the right thing to do.
But now I feel like I did it because I am someone who is capable of sexualizing children.

I mean if I could get that thought that some one will mistaken for me molesting a child, does that mean I thougth it because I am someone who thinks children as someone who is capable of sexualizing children. ,

I never fantasized children sexually, but when I imagine children in a nude manner, my mind is telling me a lot of thougths like hey look a child's private part is exactly look like an adult womens private part when they shave, so you are attracted to them.
another incident


Yeah she was sitting in my room and I saw a hole in crotch area in her pants. She was wearing a leggins. I suddenly thought to myself that I should not look at it, I should not look at it , I am being appropriate, I should not look at it I have told this to my self around a million tike and ended up looking at it. Thank god she was wearing an underware. But why did I did that in the first place? Why did I thought it is inappropriate to even look at a child's private part? Am I someone who is keep thinking children are sexual being? Would I have got aroused if I have seen that?
I really don't remember having any sexual thoughts or urges, instead it was more like being appropriate.
But why I did that in the first place? If I am a normal human, I wouldn't have even thought that seeing a kids groin is inappropriate right? I wouldn't had any any sexual feeling even if I see children naked right?
Also, I just wanted to mention that I never remember finding kids attractive and not even once masturbated imagining children sexually.

I am just trying to figure out why I did that? why? why did i found it appropriate to look at a 10 year old's genitals? I mean, If I am a normal man, even if i saw that, i wouldn't have reacted much right? so why I did that?



well as I said, i never got even one time any sexual thought, not even once about little girl, even this situation, it was more like anxiety, being approprite , fear and a lot of stuffs like that. I am pretty sure even if i saw her cortch, i wouldn't have masturbated or got aroused by it, instead most probably, it would have increased my anxiety further . but what is the reasons for my behaviours?
also here is the link to the full story if you think that might be useful for you to judge me.
obsessive-compulsive/topic219197.html

duplicate topic, please post to existing threads, thanks