I can’t afford therapist so I’m asking for Help

Hello there I have a really bad anxiety because of this. I am currently at work right now, but I still had to find some time to write this down.


I have OCD for 17 years now including other anxiety disorders and personality disorders. I am a 25 years old heterosexual male living with my girlfriend

I need advice not reassurance

I have this problem with a intrusive doubt about my Groinal response.

Two years ago I was masturbating maybe 3-4 times a week, once a day because I could not have sex with my girlfriend and at my workplace there were many attractive females which made me horny.
I was masturbating maybe 3rd or 4th day in the row to new heterosexual porn videos that I found and Like, but I told myself this is going to be last day because I was affraid that something bad might happen to my health if I masturbate once 4th day in the row. I began masturbating but the videos where a bit boring because I have seem them few times before so I decided to climax to a different video still heterosexual with the same actress, so I began to look for other video and suddenly I found a video that triggered my HOCD really bad, I had to do a compulsion to make sure that I don’t feel aroused by the video, I never played the video I only viewed the thumbnails, I had a bad Groinal response which I didn’t want to have and this gave me a strong anxiety , when I saw very hocd triggering scene My Groinal response got stronger and I felt I was about to climax so I started to panic and I tried so hard not to have this climax, But when I ejaculated My panic was off the roof I didn’t know what to do my Heart was racing and I was Lost in my head and I told myself this must be this unwanted arousal from OCD because no way I’m into this, so I looked on this video thumbnails again to force myself to feel disgust. It was very traumatic for me, it was a delayed truma for me because for about 6 months later in came to my head with huge anxiety and panic attacks, I know that Groinal responses can cause unwanted orgasm. But After reading stories of porn escalation my ocd is trying to tell me it wasn’t Groinal response bit it was porn escalation, I was never into the staff that triggered my HOCD I know this, I was and I am still only into girls.

Do you guys think it was HOCD or was it really Porn escalation which I am affraid of that my bran is telling me ?

Porn means nothing at all. You can still be heterosexual and get aroused to gay porn. It doesn't say about your sexuality, but it says that you were aroused to a sexual content. Some people that are gay, can get aroused to straight porn. Non-pedophiles can get aroused to sexual thoughts about children. Non-zoophiles can get aroused to sexual thoughts about animals. Heterosexual people can get aroused to gay porn. Legal or illegal types of porn, you can't control your arousal.

KidDJ wrote:Porn means nothing at all. You can still be heterosexual and get aroused to gay porn. It doesn't say about your sexuality, but it says that you were aroused to a sexual content. Some people that are gay, can get aroused to straight porn. Non-pedophiles can get aroused to sexual thoughts about children. Non-zoophiles can get aroused to sexual thoughts about animals. Heterosexual people can get aroused to gay porn. Legal or illegal types of porn, you can't control your arousal.

Yup pretty much. That's why checking is so bad. That's why overthinking it is so bad. If you're not willing to do it with (fill in the blank) in the RL, then you're probably not that.

I know that sometimes our primitive thalamus might see sex just as sex and it’s called arousal non concordance and anxiety can make the arousal feel more potent, but the thing is I didn’t even masturbate to it, I was aroused from earlier heteroporn and I was looking for other videos still hetero and suddenly saw a something that triggered my hocd and I tried so hard not to be aroused and suddenly I became aroused (this is how Groinal response works) and I had unwanted climax with panic attack, because of it everytime I saw hocd triggering scene I had a short panic attack, but worst thing is that OCD is trying to tell me this happened because of porn escalation not Groinal response. So I wanted to find out what is porn escalation and I try to make sure I didn’t had it and it was just Groinal response. I had HOCD way before that, so I’m not having hocd because of that situation.