Hocd exposure went wrong

This is a trigger warning. I made exposure for the first time now and I did it with a hocd sufferer here on *mod edit*. Everything was good, we exchanged views on our thoughts and symptoms. I told him that I want children and a wife And he urged to make exposure. I agreed and it led to exposure sexting. I got a very bad panic and he said it's okay. It has to be so. But as we continued, I felt it felt like it was real, as if it didn't feel wrong anymore, as if I liked it. It felt so real and people who know how real a thing feels like that moment I felt. I wasn't aroused or anything I just panicked and felt I would like it and it doesn’t feel wrong. After 10 minutes, I calmed down and realized okay. Everything's OKAY, nothing happened. We tried again. Out of nothing my real me said: "WTF am I doing here? This is so stupid that I don't belong here" and it felt like I spoke with my heart. it felt like the inside me. In any case, I went to sleep and woke up with a very bad fear as if I had a person on my conscience, I feel so disgusting. How is this exposure trying to help u in any way? Will It get better ? Should I continue ? Does anyone had this before?

Do you mean sexting as if you were gay??

Why would you do that? That sounds... just as bad as checking by looking at gay porn.

Snaga wrote:Do you mean sexting as if you were gay??

Why would you do that? That sounds... just as bad as checking by looking at gay porn.

Yes..

I can't say as I agree to that. Sure you're not supposed to be scared of being gay, but acting as if you were- seems to me that'd just kick the OCD into overdrive. It's one thing for a person scared of heights to force themselves to stand near a balcony railing- quite another to hang off it like a monkey.