Breastfeeding compusion

Hi I'm not OCD but I am struggling with a compulsion and I'd like advice.

Just before Christmas my bf and I discovered the joys of adult suckling. As a breast guy he thought it was fantastic and I found it increasingly comforting. I had a miscarriage earlier in the year so am still processing that.. long story short while he only wants it as a casual if he is in the mood thing my body has responded as if there was a baby to feed.. there is no milk being produced but I'm getting the same engorgement and discomfort that can only be relieved by either him suckling or a breast pump. My bf thinks the pump is fueling the compulsion but When ever I have tried to wean myself off the pump I get distreßed my body physically hurts and my anxiety spikes. I can't go from "feeding" 20 minuets every 3 hours to once or twice a week for 5 minutes when he feels like it.
Yet whoever I talk to is like "it's all on you head just ignore it."
What do you think should I go cold turkey? Is the pump fueling the compulsion or just reliving my symptoms?

Not sure if this belongs in OCD- but to be honest, I'm not sure where to place it.

You get anxious, and act on it.

Besides the discomfort, is there a fear associated with not using the pump? Like, is something bad going to happen?

If there's no milk being produced, yet it makes you feel better... Tending to lean towards the psychological, sure. Maybe if you slowly wean yourself off, rather than going cold turkey? If this were OCD, I'd be saying just STOP. OCD gets into a obsession-compulsion loop that a person has to forcibly derail. But with this being tied up with a miscarriage, and if there's no history of OCD-type behaviors, I really don't know.

One thing that occurs to this pwOCD is that maybe something inside is saying that the miscarriage isn't 'real' as long as you're going through the motions of breastfeeding.

Hi snaga sorry for taking so long to get back to you. So it turned out the compulsion belonged to one very specific part who one day just went dormant and the compulsion died with her. I don't think she accepted that we had had the miscarage and the suckling had fueled her denial.

Thanks for listening to us though.

That all sounds pretty reasonable- and thanks for the update! I wonder if they stop being dormant, if the feeling will return?