Is this normal with OCD?

Hello,

I have had numerous periods of high anxiety in my life. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD as I haven’t been to see a doctor yet but for 5 years I have demonstrated most the characteristics of a person with OCD.

My main thing is thinking, I am constantly thinking about past events, I have false memories about things that may have happened. These are usually in the form of sexual acts.

It feels like I go through one thought for a few hours, then I’ll think of something else and get doubts about that memory, then I’ll think of something else and so on and so forth.

It’s like I have no confidence in my memories and I believe everything my mind is telling me, I’m not sure if this is a trait of OCD. It is very exhausting and I am constantly in my head worrying about “what ifs”

Well they don't literally call it the 'doubting disease', for nothing.

I have no confidence in some memories, and I can't be sure if it's genuine blocked/repressed or if it's OCD making me obsess over it- since I might have a dissociative order on top of everything else. It's... it would be maddening, if I let it get to me.

From what I've seen, this is a fairly common experience in OCD. It's called false memory OCD. It can feel so realistic that there are cases of people turning themselves into the police for things they never did. This almost always happens with harm fears, so sexual obsessions are a common form of false memory OCD from what I've seen.

The fact you are experiencing worry means you probably didn't do anything. If you seek treatment, find an OCD specialist if possible, as some therapists don't know about false memories which could make how you feel worse.

I hope you find a way to feel better. I experienced extreme to severe OCD for years and constantly felt guilty and like I couldn't trust myself, it's exhausting. You deserve to get help and not have to feel like that.