How do I calm my anxiety? *TW*

Ever since I got this terrible condition, my anxiety was at an all time high. Even when I knew I was NOT a p*d* I still had anxiety from the condition itself. This anxiety came from me wondering if I'm attracted to women or not. Most of the time when I was calm, yes but then anytime I feel attracted to women my mind goes 'Are you really sure? What if you're not attracted to women and you're just forcing yourself to be attracted to them?'. This made me feel even more anxious and I had to search photos of women in bikini to see if I'm really attracted to them.
Last night for me was awful, I had a huge panic attack and felt very afraid. I wanted to calm myself down but I felt like I was really a p*d*. Of course after some time, I knew I wasn't a p*d* but I wanted some way to calm my anxiety anytime it comes.
How do I calm my anxiety? I really want to calm it but it continues to come. How do I remove my anxiety? How do I make sure my mind is trying to make me feel like a p*d* vs me being a p*d*?
Responses welcome.

I remember seeing a post on another site about how somebody had a weird desire for children, and didn't know if it was POCD or not. Then he later came out and it was proven to be POCD. Now he has 3 children.
This made me panic, I'm very very worried this could be not OCD. I don't even know why I'm worrying, I just am and I want it to stop.

Pocdsucks wrote:I remember seeing a post on another site about how somebody had a weird desire for children, and didn't know if it was POCD or not. Then he later came out and it was proven to be POCD. Now he has 3 children.
This made me panic, I'm very very worried this could be not OCD. I don't even know why I'm worrying, I just am and I want it to stop.

Shouldn't that have done the opposite for you? It turned out to be OCD. That ought to have reassured you; and the fact it didn't seems very... OCD of you...

A real pedo is not going to have this level of fear/rumination I don't think. Not even a pedo with OCD. You fear this thing, and obsess over it, far too much for it to feel real to an outside observer.

Snaga wrote:

Pocdsucks wrote:I remember seeing a post on another site about how somebody had a weird desire for children, and didn't know if it was POCD or not. Then he later came out and it was proven to be POCD. Now he has 3 children.
This made me panic, I'm very very worried this could be not OCD. I don't even know why I'm worrying, I just am and I want it to stop.

Shouldn't that have done the opposite for you? It turned out to be OCD. That ought to have reassured you; and the fact it didn't seems very... OCD of you...

A real pedo is not going to have this level of fear/rumination I don't think. Not even a pedo with OCD. You fear this thing, and obsess over it, far too much for it to feel real to an outside observer.

I know that, but my brain has gone insane. I have really wondered how p*d*s are different from POCD, I think that reassure me that nothing is wrong.
I'm reaching March level anxiety, and March level anxiety was one of the worst. December is trying to take the crown, IT'S ANNOYING.

A huge problem I've had with this, is that it feels like nothing is working anymore, as if I'm stuck like this forever and there's nothing I could do, it's very intense.

What's the difference? You don't want to bad touch little kids. Pedos do.

The key to fighting my OCD intrusive harm thoughts, is by not fighting them. They're only thoughts. They're not actions, or words. Thoughts that are not put into actions, or words, are thoughts that die unborn. I know they're ego-dystonic, they do not reflect any real urges or desires, and so I leave them be. The thought pops up I'm gonna do something? Whatever. Get back with me when I've done it. Until then, whatever. I ignore it- it's a buzzing from a fly.

You can't not think a thought you don't want to think. You'll think it. Repeatedly. The more you fight it, the more it pushes back.

In Star Trek the original series, there's an episode where there's a force field that imprisons you, and grows stronger, the more you fight it. So.... they had to.... not fight it.

We give our intrusive thoughts that we're going to do something terrible, or that we are some terrible monster, the power over us. That's the only way they have power over us.

Snaga wrote:What's the difference? You don't want to bad touch little kids. Pedos do.

The key to fighting my OCD intrusive harm thoughts, is by not fighting them. They're only thoughts. They're not actions, or words. Thoughts that are not put into actions, or words, are thoughts that die unborn. I know they're ego-dystonic, they do not reflect any real urges or desires, and so I leave them be. The thought pops up I'm gonna do something? Whatever. Get back with me when I've done it. Until then, whatever. I ignore it- it's a buzzing from a fly.

You can't not think a thought you don't want to think. You'll think it. Repeatedly. The more you fight it, the more it pushes back.

In Star Trek the original series, there's an episode where there's a force field that imprisons you, and grows stronger, the more you fight it. So.... they had to.... not fight it.

We give our intrusive thoughts that we're going to do something terrible, or that we are some terrible monster, the power over us. That's the only way they have power over us.

The big problem is when I see a child, I get a gronial response and start going downhill. It feels so wrong, I did still feel confident because there used to be some guy on another site putting links of youtube children nude videos to show how p*d*philic youtube is. I decided to not click the links, and I didn't even have an urge to do so. I feel better about myself but I really I'm wasting too much energy on this.

Pocdsucks wrote:I feel better about myself but I really I'm wasting too much energy on this.

Of course you are, we all do- OCD is mental spinning wheels and getting nowhere.

Hello there.
I have felt like I wish to give up, entirely. I don't even know what to feel anymore! I feel like I'm really lost, anytime I want somebody to reassure me I end up asking myself 'For how long?'.
I remember 2020 April - November, I did have many times in which I panicked (Am I attracted/not attracted to X?) but most of the time I felt happy and my sex life wasn't all so bad! And then I began to dive deeper into 2020 and I feel like 2020 April - November wasn't all so great looking. And I heard OCD symptoms get worse overtime so if 2020 wasn't all so great, how bad would 2021 go?
I feel tired, and I continue wondering if I have POCD or not. I'm trying ERP but it leads me to checking and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Now, anytime I would think whether I'm a pedo or not, I often believe that means 'I don't care about me being a pedo, which is how pedos act like when they are not in denial anymore.' and I feel afraid I'm going to accept this. I'm not having any reactions towards any sexual thoughts (Not grossed at all) which makes me feel on high alert but also out of energy to care at all.
Here's the thing, how would I be able to even manage it? Does giving up mean I'm a pedo? Somebody help me.

Pocdsucks wrote:I feel like I'm really lost, anytime I want somebody to reassure me I end up asking myself 'For how long?'.

Tough love time, mijo. No reassurance from this pixie. Because it's a drug.

If the ERP isn't working, try something else- and above all, talk to your professional about this!

Pocdsucks wrote:Now, anytime I would think whether I'm a pedo or not, I often believe that means 'I don't care about me being a pedo, which is how pedos act like when they are not in denial anymore.'

Non-pedos don't care about it either- because they're not obsessing over it. I know I'm not a pedo; therefore, I don't care about it. Since I am also OCD, I... feel it trying to make me care, but I decide not to care. I decide. Not my OCD.

Pocdsucks wrote:I'm not having any reactions towards any sexual thoughts (Not grossed at all) which makes me feel on high alert but also out of energy to care at all.

If you stare at photos of horrific car accidents enough, I rather think you'll get desensitized, don't you? What do you think check check check, ruminate ruminate ruminate, panic panic panic, is going to do over the long run? Even a long distance runner has to rest. You can't be in fight or flight forever, you're not a machine. You're exhausting yourself, by rhetorically bouncing off the walls constantly with this anxiety. Stop thinking you have to have any reaction at all, including 'pedo thoughts'. You're not morally obligated to have some 10000 percent visceral over-the-top reaction to things that you know you're not going to do, believe are morally wrong, and only have these intrusive thoughts to make you even think you are one. You keep making this carousel turn faster and faster, and you'll have to be the one to say, You know what? Enough is enough, I'll worry about it when I've DONE IT. And stop the thing, and get off the carousel.