Helping My Mother

Hello and welcome to the forum!

For now I approved your post, and let it stand in OCD- but I will likely move it, when I decide where best to place it- but I will leave a shadow link in OCD.

This sounds as if it were past OCD, to me. There are times my OCD has taken me to the edge of delusions and this sounds a bit over that edge, to me.

When she drives in loops- what is she doing, and what is her rationale?

Throwing the anxiety medicine away concerns me, I've never had too much OCD patterns about meds, save I'll not know if I've taken them or not, and I've had to dispense medicine in a caregiver role, and I would check and double-check the pills, to be sure I knew every one and that I was dispensing them correctly. Seems to me an OCD style thing would be to obsessively recheck the pills against photos online via pill identification- at least, that's what I would do, were I obsessing.

This whole thing just sounds as if it might be more than OCD, to me. I will likely move this to Significant Others, Friends & Family, or Living With Mental Illess, or somewhere else, if responses to this are sparse.

It's not good, what your dad's doing to her, and if there's any way y'all can both leave, it needs to happen. What do you think is his motivation, to trigger her?

Yes I understand; she needs to find a way out, herself. And perhaps you'll at the least, be in a better headspace yourself, once you're out. Someone already out of the water, is in a better position to throw a rope to the other person.

godofthedeli wrote:He believes that because he has never experienced a mental hardship like she has, then it must not exist, therefore it angers him that my mom has compulsions.

My partner isn't quite that ununderstanding, but I do often try their patience- they realised they were in for a strange one, the first time we went on a trip together, and I checked my place about half a dozen times before leaving.

I wasn't quite understanding the loops- I imagined literally driving in continuous circles And yes I have been known to go back to check for those invisible pedestrians I ran over. Or ask my partner if we ran over someone, and of course they look at me as if I am nuts- which I am, but that's beside the point. Nons simply don't understand.

Or not so invisible- my last one was a man on a bicycle but I clearly saw him in my rearview mirror still pedaling along- started to go back, but I made myself turn back to my original direction, and not doubt the evidence of my own eyes. But it is hard, I know. We're (I mean we as a possible multiple system) are easily distracted and if I do have a dissociative disorder, that just cranks up the OCD when driving, sometimes. I greatly sympathise, but she must be made to understand that you have to make yourself NOT go back, no matter how badly you want to. I have to tell myself: hitting things and people causes damage- I would feel it, I would see it if I check the car. I would see it- I see all sorts of things and avoid them- the most recent was a deer on the interstate going about 80, and I saw it, and missed it.

So I make myself (or try to) NOT go back, unless there happens to be a really big sensation of impact.

It's so hard to make us trust our senses, I know.

Try to remind her that she'd kinda know if she hit a person.

I'm not sure what triggers your father's anger quite so much- that's very insensitive. I mean, I know when I'm pushing things with my own OCD and often I'll be allowed ONE time, for example, to go back and check the house. But I'm not just berated over it.

But if she's thinking divorce, it sounds as if he's worse than just her OCD, as well.

If he's not willing to see a counselor with her, then it sounds as if she does need to leave- and that might mean some hard times, because waiting for the perfect time to leave, isn't always an option. My mother left an abusive relationship- she had been saving what money she could, and moved back to her home town, fortunately family had secured an inexpensive rental for her, and she was able to make do until she got a job.

But it did involve- and does involve, sticking your neck out.

Mortgage... well, sometimes you just have to cut bait. I've known couples breakup, and they just let the house go back to the bank. It sucks, it ruins your credit for a while- but not forever. The house, isn't worth sanity.

Hugs, if wanted!