Please need some advice. It's killing me.

Hi! I hope all is well for everyone!

I'm really going through it at the moment, and would really appreciate some advice and support.

I'll start by saying that I'm a gay man in his '30s, and I do suffer with severe bouts of POCD. At the moment, I'm pretty chill with it, and have handled most intrusive thoughts with stride, except for the one that blindsided me, today.

So, the initial memory that I have about this experience is usually pacified with me telling myself that I was younger and just experimenting, but then thought about whether or not it doesn't mean anything else, hit me as well.

I remember watching an episode of Law and Order SVU, where a female high school student was having sex with her drama/chorus teacher. The scene where they are caught having sex really turned me on. The guy who played the teacher was super hot, so I masturbated to that scenario. I also have a family friend who got knocked up at 16, and for some reason, I masturbated to her having sex with this older, really attractive guy. I think it was once or twice, that I did so, and I don't even remember whether or not I finished to that exact scenario, but at the time and as of late, it never really bothered me as much, cause I was younger and just experimenting, and I know that most of it was because of the guy, but the scenario of someone younger having sex with an older guy, really turns me on. So, I started to think all of a sudden, that there is something deeper there. Rationally, I know there isn't, but the nagging sensation is overwhelming. It's been about ten years, since these scenarios took place, and haven't happened since, but the resurgence in my POCD thoughts, stirred up weird feelings. I'm sure it's just a classic case of projection and what not, because it's clear as day that I'm not into 16 year olds, but the POCD is still beating me up.

Any advice would be highly appreciated. Anyone else have this type of experience as well?

Many thanks in advance!

Well, you're gay- so I assume what you were really turned on by, was being with the older guy.

I'm bi and the body is male, and I have always had a fantasy, of being the much younger partner, with an older man.

Doesn't make me a pedo, sweetie- or make you one. I wouldn't care if you were into legal daddy/son porn- I seriously doubt stuff like that is solely due to pedos consuming it- it's a fantasy, nothing more, for most people, I'm sure. Normies don't waste too much time obsessing over what it means. Try to ease your mind a bit, and not worry about it.