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OCD: scared of getting shunned and even arrested

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OCD: scared of getting shunned and even arrested

Postby screenmate » Sun May 31, 2020 6:24 pm

Some years ago (i was 18+ at the time) I was in closer online contact with a very skilled artist who made Horror images. I was impressed by their artistic skill and flattered that they would interact with me, so i frequently shared their non-graphic images, and left nice comments sometimes.

The artist later started to post images that made me more uncomfortable. Nowadays I do no longer support them and I am trying to distance myself from them and scrub all evidence of interacting from my account on that site.

The Problem is, in that Period where the Artist started posting images that made me uncomfortable, I still left comments on two of their images that i now know i shouldnt have done, but i felt compulsed to back then. Both pictures depict acts of gore that involve a minor (teenaged); due to the characters being only drawings and not based on real people back then I did not see any issue with it, because to me the focus was just on the horror aspect. My comments were on the one pic a joking reference to the book it was based on, and on the other a compliment to the Artist's technique. Nowadays i deeply regret this and do no longer feel comfortable supporting any such content, and back then it felt as though i was emotionally manipulated into thinking such content is ok and to leave the comments. I was never "into" such drawings, i just found them interesting from a horror movie standpoint.

My comments on those two pictures are no longer accessible online, because the artist has now deleted their Profile, and the Drawings have been marked as NSFW and the comment section is no longer publically accessible. If i deleted my account on the site, it would completely delete any interaction i ever had with the artist, which i plan on doing sometime in the future just to generally have a peace of mind.

However, the pages where i left the comments are still accessible on the wayback machine. Because i myself have a sizable online following and it was not unknown that i used to interact with the artist, I live in panic that some day, when i have more of a fame, people might discover this connection, and i will be shunned and called out for leaving such comments.

I have lost my appetite for days because of this, and the issue has been stressing me every waking hour. I have not been sleeping well either, waking up way earlier than usual. I even have started having the fear that somehow the police are gonna find these comments on the wayback machine and arrest me for it. This is seriously impacting my life currently.
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