HOCD or denial? Please help!

Hey guys, I'm a 20 year old female and I've been struggling with what I think is HOCD for about 7 months now and I'm going crazy. I keep checking to see if I'm attracted to every other female I see, even in TV shows which makes it impossible for me to watch them. Some of the things I ask myself are "can you imagine being with her?", "do you want to kiss her?" etc. In the past, my attention was always on men! I also can't completely focus on my work because my mind keeps creating these thoughts about doing things with girls which is so uncomfortable and distressing. It brings me so much anxiety and I feel sick. I have this tendency to keep creating scenarios in my head with girls vs guys to see which scenario I like more. Throughout my life, I've only found men attractive. I've only been in 2 serious relationships so far but I've always been confident in my straightness. I'm sexually and romantically into men (even though my mind seems to tell me otherwise) and would like to get married to a guy some day. I can't imagine any of this with a woman! My friends would joke about how boy crazy I am because I've had so many crushes on guys like guys in school and actors from the time I was 10. I've never had a crush on a woman or imagined doing anything with one. I have a low self-esteem and have always thought that other girls are prettier than me and had nicer bodies than me but I've never actually been attracted to a girl/wanted a relationship with one. I have good days where I would be desensitized to these thoughts and laugh at myself for thinking I was into women but I get scared that I'm too "comfortable" which makes me anxious and starts the cycle again.

I also am overthinking (or what I believe is overthinking) my past. Here are a few instances: (1) when I was 5, I made my first friend. I had no friends so I was very excited and would always write stories about my friendship with this girl and would write her name in my notebook a lot. Before, I thought this was just my happiness at having a new friend! But my mind is telling me that I was into her even though I really don’t think I felt that way?? (2) When I was 12 a thought popped in my head to ask one of my close friends if she wanted to practice kissing so we would have experience for guys. I never actually asked her/kissed her but this scares me so much! I wasn’t into her at all. (3) At this age, one of my female teachers was a huge role model for me. (4) When I was 13, I had a friend with a very abusive family so I was really sympathetic and protective of her. I would always comfort her with hugs. We were so close! I always thought of myself like her older sister but now I’m worried that I was into her?? I never thought of her romantically/sexually but my mind is telling me that I was! (5) I used to watch lesbian porn sometimes because I felt like it was more softer but I always wanted to do those things with a man! (6) 3 of my friends came out as bi and it’s made me think, maybe you’re friends with them because you're just like them and that maybe it’s their influence? (bad logic but this is what my mind is telling me). (7) The trigger that started this HOCD was because an old friend asked me if I had any luck with “guys and girls” and I started to freak out thinking, am I giving out gay vibes?? To make it worse, a girl in my college asked me if I wanted to practice kissing with her and I freaked out even more, does everyone think I’m gay? I must be secretly gay then.

In the past, none of these events seemed like a big deal and I didn't give them much thought! But now it's like my mind is telling me, "you've had all these signs for so long and you've been denying who you really are!". I've even tried to tell myself "you're bi, just deal with it" and even wanted to come out to my family but even saying it feels forced and not right! Also, I avoid talking to my female friends because I'm scared that I might end up being bi or acting on these thoughts. I also always get these groinal responses that scare me. I have nothing against the lgbt community but I just don't want to be a part of it- it doesn't feel like me even though my mind is telling me it is. I want to go back to being confident in myself and being boy crazy again. I'm in a great relationship with a guy now and I'm scared that if we ever broke up, I'd end up with a woman..I just don't want to be bi! These thoughts even show up in my dreams and I wake up in the mornings crying with so much distress. I'm worried because I've read these forums and it seems like everyone only has one trigger but I've had so many different "signs" in my life, thinking back to my past? Reading about people coming out of the closet late and internalized homophobia also scares me so much. I'm going through an identity crisis literally every day even though deep inside I know who I am? In general, I've been told that I have the tendency to overthink. Im a big hypochondriac and once had a 6 month long pregnancy scare! I also obsess over whether people hate me or if I said/did something wrong. Sorry for this long post. Please help!