Help, I think there might be something wrong with me.

Ok, so, let me just start out by saying that this is incredibly scary for me to write and I hope no one on here will judge me.

I'm 22 years old, gay, male, and my entire live I have had normal and healthy attractions to adult men. I know I suffer from OCD/intrusive thoughts/POCD, nor do I really think I am actually a pedophile (when my OCD began I did.) However I have began to think about the experience that caused my OCD to start in the first place from a new angle and I am freaked out.

To get right into it, I worked at a summer camp for years when I was younger, and a couple of times when I playing with the kids (crawling/hugging on me) I got gotten a semi-erection/swelling of the penis. Like, not a raging hard on by any means, not the kind I get when I am turned on, but like one of those dull, blood-is-starting-to flow ones. At the time I kind of got anxious but I just shut it out. I remembered that it happened not too long ago, and I completely freaked and terrified there is something wrong with me. What really scares me is that I realized it happened (like 3 times) with a male child, and I’m scared that means something, like I “have a preference.” Let me also say that it wasn’t like I was going around playing with or touching the kids. The boys just always wanted to play around and wrestle and jump all over, roughhousing and stuff.

I told my therapist and she wasn’t at all concerned, said that it means nothing evil or wrong about me, and it’s just something that can happen. Having googled relentlessly about it, I can see that’s the case. A lot of men have posted about it happening to them, and people usually answer with the same response (oxytocin, response to physical stimulation, something coming into contact with your groin.) She also pointed out to me how I have had very bad relationships with men/male figures my whole life, and being in the position a couple of times where I was experiencing the kind of bonding I didn’t get as a kid and being a “dad-like” figure just caused a hormonal reaction, but not in any sexual sense. Logically, I can understand all of this, it makes sense. And having a therapist tell me it’s nothing to worry about also is helpful. I always had intrusive thoughts about this subject as well, and I do wonder if that played a role in it. I’ve lived my entire health being attracted to/having sex with adults, and since then, I’ve played with several kids and it didn’t happen, this was when I was a young adult. I just got myself hung up on the gender part of it, scared that it means something deeper.

I know some people might see this as searching for reassurance, and I know that is wrong, but I really am struggling and upset over this and I would appreciate anyone offering any kind of kindness/positivity. Please do not judge me.