HOCD

Hello! I am sorry that this post will be longer, but I have been freaking out since the past months and I want to make things more clear for myself, if you guys can provide me with some help.
I am a 20-years old woman and I have never questioned my sexuality until the age of 19. I have always been boy-crazy, fallen in love with boys, sexually attracted to them and had a long serious relationship with a boy between the ages of 17-19. However, at that point, I am not exactly sure whether I have OCD, or it is a mix of real confusion with HOCD. The first OCD-thought that I can think of is when suddenly, out of nowhere, I got the thought of "What if I don't love my boyfriend anymore?" It turned into a real nightmare, where I was constantly reassuring myself that I still love him and trying to suppress these thoughts, but in the end unfortunately they made me break up with my boyfriend, because I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't even feel a relief back then. These thoughts vanished, but almost immediately after that they were replaced with the thoughts of "what if I am developing feelings on my boy best friend now, what if I actually had feelings for him all along?", which scared me so much and they also vanished after a month. Then, the real nightmare started. I was casually sitting with one of my best girl friends, when I got the thought "We look like we are on a date right now, am I feeling something romantic?" This thought scared me so much and I started feeling nervous and uncomfortable every time I had to meet her. I started repeating to myself "I am not a lesbian, I am not a lesbian..." constantly and searching around in web sites and forums about that. Forntunately, these thoughts vanished. After that, the worst of all came in - harming instrusive thoughts, when I was literally convinced that I am losing my mind and I was scared of myself and felt like I monster or turning into a sociopath or psychopath. I was constantly doing online tests or reading forums about sociopaths or psychopaths, looking at signs in my past and etc. It was a really long process, continuing like 5-6 months. Then in October 2019, while I was just sitting, I got the thought "What if I want to be a man?" It freaked me out, I started looking at transgender people's videos online and reading and listening to their experiences and when they knew they were trans, in order to reassure myself I have never felt like this. I was scared of pointless things from the past like the fact that I didn't use to play with dolls that much when I was a child, so that must mean something and etc. After all, the thoughts that I am trapped in now, are related to homosexuality/bisexuality again. For the past 2 months they became terrifying. My signs are: from the moment I am awake, the anxiety kicks in and I immediately start repeating in my head "I am not a lesbian/I don't want it." This continues for the whole day and doesn't let me concentrate myself even for a minute, when I have to do stuff for my university. I have watched all possible Youtube videos in the field of "signs you were a lesbian/signs you were bisexual growing up/signs you are a lesbian...including videos of lesbian couples to see if I have some reaction on them as a couple. I have read all publications in forums about people with Homosexuality OCD, some of them I kinda know by heart at that point. I am constantly making online tests in the field of "what sexuality are you; the Kinsey scale test; are you a lesbian; are you bisexual; are you straight; do you have a girl-crush or a crush on a girl..." I am constantly checking on my past and I really find some signs, for example when I was 13 I made out with my best friend, because we were practising for boys, but I remember that I actually got turned-on. Also, when I was like 10, I remember looking at one girl of my class and thinking that she is pretty, but like in a more different way. Also, on Music Idol there was a girl that was really pretty to me and I am not sure whether I liked her or not, back when I was 9 years old or something, but the fact that I remember her up until now and thought that she is so pretty in like a different way than usual admiration contributes to my circle of intrusive thoughts. I don't know anymore. I don't wanna be bisexual or a lesbian. I want to be straight and I wished I never questioned my sexuality at first place, like I did for 19 years up until now. I am afraid it will affect my future relationships and I will never be able to fall in love again with a guy, because I will be bothered by the thought that I am living in a lie of my sexual orientation.
Any opinions/ reccommendations/ help?
Sorry once again for the length of this confession, I hope someone made it to the end.