I don't really know what is me or OCD - Scrupulous/Sexual Th

Hi all,
I hope everyone is doing well. So I had a bout of OCD when I was 13 that lasted the summer and then ended. Mostly unwanted sexual or blasphemous thoughts. Eventually they went away for years. Fast forward to when I was probably 22 (I’m 25), they came back full force in the form of scrupulosity as I came back to my faith. I notice when I’m not in an OCD episode I don’t read into my thoughts or actions and everything is fine, but if I am in a tough week or month, I think everything I do is for some horrible reason/that I’m sexually deviant/not worthy of love. I will note that my Catholic faith is important to me and I’m saving sex for marriage, so I think that has something to do with my main themes (doing something sexually wrong/abnormal and committing mortal sins).
Anyway, I’ve basically have thoughts 24/7 that accuse me of doing even the most innocent acts in some terrible way. Our blender has one of those stick things to help push down whatever you put inside, and sometimes I lick the smoothie off of it. Well I was about to, but my dad was making lunch and I thought “well it may look like you’re sucking a dick.” If I do it anyway, I feel like I was trying to make some weird sexual statement toward my dad, and if I don’t, I still feel bad for having the thought. Sometimes I do things anyway, I think subconsciously because I know I’m being insane (and most people would lick the blender thing, suck a popsicle, do other things that could be taken sexually by someone with a dirty mind), but I still feel bad afterward because I get the intrusive thoughts on top of the action I’m doing. I get into these conundrums all the time. (Note: I have 0 desire to do anything sexual with my dad lol, in fact I find that I slightly avoid him because of all of this)
I also have compulsive staring issues at people’s privates, which only happen when I’m in an OCD state. Sometimes when I pet my dog under the table during dinner, I wonder if I’m really doing it to stare at people’s crotches. Which I’ll also note, I feel zero arousal when this compulsion happens, more so just embarrassment/feeling terrible after the fact/worrying I’m weird.
I’ve talked to my mom about this, and she thinks A. I am thinking way too much. and B. I just need to get laid, I’m not weird or a deviant person and this is totally normal.

Anyway, if you experience similar and have a solution or have some thoughts on why I may be experiencing this, please share. I’ll also note this tends to pop up when I get into a new relationship. When I’m single or just talking to someone, I’m totally fine.

Hello, and welcome!

I had to chuckle at 'getting laid'... I'm... not so sure it's as simple as that, be nice if it were, though.

If you don't have a history of getting the hots for the same sex (minus childhood experimentation- that's a poor predictor of final sexual orientation), then I'd agree with overthinking things. I have had sexual orientation OCD, but not HOCD, because in fact, I'm bisexual. I used to go back between worrying I was only gay, or straight and just damaged... but I have a history of having strong attractions towards both sexes, from adolescence. If a person doesn't, then I just don't see a person being gay without the benefit of hindsight saying, oh yeah, I was gay.... I mean, I can look back, and think, oh wow now that was just gay of me! And in my case, look back and see things that are perfectly straight, too- 'cause I'm both.

That's for the sexual thoughts, of licking things or thinking you're deviant.

As far as staring at folks genitals- the fear of doing it, well... I put that in the urge I still to this day, get, myself. Which would be to kiss someone I'm standing close to. Or grab them in an inappropriate place. Or, for that matter, shout obscenities in an inappropriate situation (family gathering, church, etc).

Those kinds of things, I don't consider actually sexual. Because there's common OCD intrusive thoughts of doing socially unacceptable things. I'd throw the staring at crotches, in with that.. the fear of doing something inexcusable, and embarrassing.

They're just thoughts. I've learned to ignore them- I've never DONE anything inappropriate, so I'm not going to.

As far as the little bit of HOCD-sounding symptoms, I've had some back and forth lately in this thread:
obsessive-compulsive/topic215617.html

some of that may be of some help, perhaps.

OCD will make you second-think every daggone thing you do, if you let it....