Years Of Therapy Yet Still Scared I Am A Transsexual

I have been through years of therapy and yet I am still plagued by my thoughts of transsexualism.

I wish I could stay as a man but still these thoughts plague my mind. My mind tortures me every day in many ways. I hate my mind and I am scared of it.

I have seen two OCD specialists and two CBT therapists for long courses of treatment and also other CBT therapists for shorter periods of time.

I have done CBT with ERP. I have read all the books and seen all the videos and read loads of articles.

My first OCD therapist was from the *mod edit* which is one of the top OCD treatment facilities globally. I had sessions for 3 months and we did CBT with lots of ERP. I also saw another specialist more local to me for 3 sessions but she wasn’t a good match for me.

I have seen a CBT therapist for 20 sessions on the NHS, he REFUSED to do ERP even though I asked lots of times and instead focused on cognitive work and he was obsessed with sleep.

More recently I have seen an NHS therapist for 13 sessions and we did CBT with a little bit of ERP and the OCD wasn’t too bad for a while and my depression was worst so we switched the focus to depression for the last few sessions before I was discharged.

After all this therapy I am still having these awful scary thoughts and I still don’t know what’s true and what’s not.

I hope I can stay a man and that I don’t have to transition and become a woman.

I have also tried doing ERP by myself several times but it never ends up working as usually I end up just thinking about the thoughts all day long and I can’t handle it.

Maybe the reason it’s not working is because it’s not OCD and I’m truly a transsexual.

How can some one go through years of therapy and still struggle so much?
I struggle with many aspects of my mental health, not just OCD.

I don’t want to be a transsexual but I am scared that I am.

I also get other thoughts around POCD, incest and other weird random crap that pops up once in a while and it is all horrific. Imagine trying to talk to your parents as then horrific incestuous thoughts come into your head.

This is not my DESIRE yet the thoughts still come.

The worst thoughts are the ones saying I am a transsexual or that I want to cut off my dick and be a woman.

Also recently my chest hair grew up high and showed over my t-shirt and I didn’t like it so I shaved yesterday. That is classic transsexualism. Real man like to show off chest hair as it is manly.

Also I don’t like having hairy nipples or hairy feet. Transsexualism tick tick

Also another thing in my life I don’t want to happen is going bald so I use minoxidil to prevent this from happening. However a few days ago I had a thought about how if I took HRT it would prevent me going bald so then I thought about whether I should take it. REAL CIS MEN DO NOT TAKE HRT OR THINK ABOUT TAKING IT.

I would like the effect of not going bald but I do not want the other feminising effects. I don’t want to go bald but that doesn’t mean I want to be a woman!!!

Also I found out that protein powders can increase baldness in men who are genetically presdisposed so I use one that is made differently that is better for hair supposedly.

Also when working out I wanted to have bigger pec muscles. I find this sexy on men. However then I was scared I only wanted it cos it would look like tits. I don’t want tits, I want to be a man.

I wish I could stay a man but trans ocd is destroying my life.

I don’t want to be a man but I am having thoughts saying I am a transsexual and I want to cut off my dick everyday.

Why would I be having these thoughts if I wasn’t a transsexual?

My brain is broken and I don’t like it. I hate these thoughts, I want to be a man!!!

Also at night when I am in bed naked sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I see my dick. I think ‘do I really want it’ and it is so scary. This is gender dysphoria surely.

I just wanna keep my dick and be a man but why am I having all these transsexualism thoughts.

When my facial hair gets a bit long I think it looks messy and patchy. A real man would like facial hair, this is another huge transsexualism sign.

I wish I could stay as a man. I just want all these transsexualism thoughts to go away but all my therapy has never really taken it away.

I’ve had this fear for eight years now and it has been TORTURE!!

Men get waxed, they manscape. Some of us don't wear facial hair.

This sounds like OCD. If you were truly trans, don't you think you would be eager to get a Dx of GID? If you dread the idea of getting your boy bits removed, it doesn't sound as if you have gender dysphoria.