OCD and pets

I'm obsessing over pets.

I lost my dog in November. He was a beautiful golden retriever boy named Chip. He lived with my parents, but I visited often and I considered him my dog. He was loved by everyone and he had a good life. I keep thinking about Chip and how much I miss him. I'm angry that my parents aren't getting another dog for a while. I would totally get one of my own, but I'm a renter. I know it's selfish, but that's how I feel.

Whenever I see a stray dog or an ASPCA commercial, I start crying.

I watched a few minutes of Dumbo on youtube. I cried like a baby when the circus separated Dumbo from his mother.

I think one of the reasons I love animals so deeply, is because I struggle with mental illness and self-worth. I have a lot of self hatred for myself because of the OCD. I've struggled with ROCD and POCD. I've hated myself even though I've never hurt anyone or tried to hurt anyone. I strongly feel that the vast majority of people would not love me if they knew how messed up I am. That is one of the reasons losing Chip has been so hard. He was one of the only creatures who was capable of loving me unconditionally.

Ugh...still crying.

Any thoughts?