POCD and masturbation. Need some advice, please.

Hi everyone,

I've been debating whether or not to post on here again for a couple of days, but it's been a bit rough, so I figured, I'd give it a shot.

A couple days ago, I was masturbating. Now, personally, which I know it's very common for a lot of individuals, I like creating story lines in my head about what I'm masturbating to. Whether it's a husband cheating on a wife with a best friend, or a husband having sex with his wife's cousin. Whatever. When it's more taboo or kinky, I seem to like it even more.

So, I was about to jack-off to this american guy who lives in Japan, and he's in a picture with an older Japanese woman, who is significantly shorter than him. He towers over her. It started turning me on, thinking how unconventional their match up is. I stopped for a bit, and started thinking that she's so short, that she looks like a child, and right after that thought, I felt this intense groinal response, and the urge to start masturbating to them ######6. It was real arousal.

Of course, the rational side of me, knows that it wasn't the mere thought of her looking like a child that turned me on, but the very annoyingly strong OCD side has just been kicking my butt. My #######5 luck to have that reponse RIGHT after that thought, because now, I can't shake the nagging sense that it was that same thought that sparked that type of reaction.

I've been attempting to chock it up to it being a really intense groinal response, or that it was the taboo part of it that aroused me, or that simply is was purely coincidental, but alas the nagging continues.

Anyone care to share their opinion? Anything would help. I'd appreciate it tons. Thank you.

Hey, this is a really tough thing to deal with, I know. I often find that unless I'm completely concentrated on porn, right before I finish I sometimes get a really intense flash of intrusive thoughts, ranging from people who have wronged me to family members, and, even to children. I know it's intrusive thoughts because I'm immediately disgusted and terrified by the thought. It'll even throw me into panic attacks. But, just like you with that short woman, I know I'm not a pedo. Pedos gain satisfaction from these thoughts, they freak us out. I don't know your life, but you rationally know that you aren't attracted to children. It's a fleeting thought that people without OCD would be able to dismiss.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this

Agreed about the thoughts.

It's hard for me, to wrap my head, around the idea that everyone gets terrible thoughts- but they do, from everything I've ever read. And they shrug them off, because they don't have OCD.

I have intrusive thoughts when i masturbate and IF i feel strong anxiety i repeat the thought over and over again until the anxiety goes away. in this way you teach the brain that it's nothing to be afraid of, and over time your mind will let go of the thoughts. In other words take the leap of faith. It's scary as hell but with time it will get better. It's like exercise, if you haven't exercised in 6 months when you start it's gonna be the hardest. Over time it get's easier. Get that warrior mentality! you want to feel better and it's possible! trust me im proof. If i can get better so can you!