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Venting and Scared

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Venting and Scared

Postby WhyDoIExist » Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:48 pm

So, these past couple of days, I've been feeling better, but recently I had a Bad Thought/ intrusive image. That being an image of (shocker) a young child's vu*va. And wouldn't you know it, I'm worried that I may be attracted to them. Go figure. I wanna believe it's just false attraction or something, but I'm still scared, and I feel awful.
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Re: Venting and Scared

Postby WhyDoIExist » Fri Mar 13, 2020 11:39 am

So, I feel like an update is in order..

A couple of days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to an intrusive image, and it felt like I liked it. Panicked, I made the terrible decision to focus on it (surprise surprise, it was a child's vu*va again). And, well, it genuinely felt like I was attracted to it. In fact, I'm still worried that I am attracted to it..

I was terrified, to say the least. I've never wanted to die more than I did that night.

Now, I naturally told my parents via note (they were asleep when I woke up, and I didn't want to disturb them), and my mother told me she was sorry I felt bad, and that she still doesn't believe I'm a pe**phile.

I hope she's right.
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Re: Venting and Scared

Postby WhyDoIExist » Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:53 pm

Please, someone respond! I'm honestly really afraid that I'm a monster, regardless of the fact that I haven't done anything. I don't want to be a pe**phile!
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Re: Venting and Scared

Postby Snaga » Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:26 pm

I think your response kind of shows that you're not a pedo. You are much too upset.

And yes when you're relaxed that's when I think intrusive images and thoughts strike. Sleeping, your mind is going to go to your worries and obsessions from time to time. You're going to really have to try not to worry so much about this.
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Re: Venting and Scared

Postby WhyDoIExist » Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:43 pm

I keep worrying about how real the attraction felt, and so I keep making the mistake of focusing on it over and over again.. And it always feels real. I'm ashamed of myself.. I don't know what to do.
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Re: Venting and Scared

Postby Snaga » Wed Mar 18, 2020 11:39 pm

Going to have to make yourself not worry about it... which is hard to do, but possible.
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