Numb.

I seem to keep getting stressed about these intrusive thoughts and memories. I know they can't go away no matter how hard I try.

And no matter what, I cannot seem to ignore them. I just keep getting this feeling that the thoughts are right. The thoughts tell me I'm a pedophile, other thoughts are of kids being hurt which makes me gag 50 % of the time, other times I feel numb.

I am just getting tired of living like this, having countless of web blockers, avoiding kids and not even looking at them, being all moody and such, looking at the login page of the CP forum because I am curious to see what teen porn it has and the kind of community it is.