HOCD Please help

I have had OCD for a very long time now . Ever since i would walk on steps and count when I was 6 or 7
years old. When I was younger I experimented about when i was 14-16 and i regret every second of it. I forgot how this came into my mind but randomly I just recently started thinking about it and its giving me so much anxiety. Its not so much that I am worried I am gay like I did in the past I am 100% straight and into females. I get alot of anxiety when I am around people all of a sudden I start thinking about how no one would look at me the same if they found out, I get anxiety around my girlfriend that she would probably dump me if she found out and we been together for 8 years now. I am obsessing over this and cant stop thinking about it. I sometimes get reassurance by googlin experimenting. I also feel a spike I get is when people talk make gay jokes I just try to laugh and joke back. Every time i stop thinking about it for a little bit my mind says "hey i stopped thinking about it and it goes right back to obsessing." Do you think this is ocd or just me worried about it. I was always able to dismiss this thought if it did ever pop up but I feel just stuck in a doorway. I am always worried that I will never stop thinking about this or accept it. I have that feeling that I had with all my other themes that I feel like im watching my life through a movie or that stuck feeling. Please help me..