Back On My BS (POCD, I hope...)

Time to post yet another thing nobody will respond to...
So, for the past few days, I have been consumed by the possibility that I might be attracted to little girls' v*lvas (specifically this one particular one that I imagined but haven't seen in real life or anything). It feels so real, and I'm scared I could really be an actual p*deophile. My mom and my friends say I'm not, but I worry that I am anyway.
I talked to someone online the other day, and they said "You might be, and you need to accept that possibility." That really bothered me, even though I know a big part of getting through OCD is accepting awful possibilities. Regardless, I don't want to accept that, for pretty obvious reasons.
I would really like to know if any of you guys have had similar experiences with feelings of attraction or anything like that. It would really help me out.

YOU HAVE OCD AND YOU ARE NOT A PEDOPHILE.
The thought of it repulses you.
I had POCD for 5 years, wasted my time worrying that I had somehow searched child porn, watched it and forgotten. I smashed hard drives at home and I still wasn't reassured. I was thinking the police were after me . OCD latches on to things that disturb us, thoughts that are not who we are. We are harmless people tormented by BS thoughts and we can end up believing it.
right now I think I killed a man because I yelled at him for calling me a slut ( he crossed the road and I didn't stop because there was no pedestrian crossing. normally I would think I ran someone over).

You haven't harmed a child and you never will. I have had ocd for about 30 years and every thought is the opposite of the person I am.
feel free to pm me.
I am a stranger talking to you but I know it's ocd and nothing else.
Suzie

hi,
happy new year!
I received your PM but for some reason I cannot reply back ' this feature is unavailable' came up. grrrrr!
feel free to ask any questions here .
suzie

I deeply appreciate it. My therapist suggested I try thought stopping, though I'm not quite sure what to do.
Also, if it helps, I have a whole post detailing my history with this whole situation.

Hi,
Happier new year to us!
Look, the thought of being a pedophile is distressing to you. This is because it is the opposite of who you are. Our ocd brains take us to the worst things to ruminate over. I have thought like you and wasted all this time when I could’ve been a mum to my children. Just occupied by my thoughts.
Xmas Eve I had an argument with a man . He crossed the road where there wasn’t a pedestrian crossing and yelled out ‘slut’ to me. Normally I drive away but I stopped my car and confronted him. Anyway, just a verbal altercation. I was super proud of myself for going off at him until ocd took over. Did I hit him? Did I kill him? I would tell my brain, no I didn’t, I was yelling across the road. Now I went from the pedo thoughts to it ahve killed someone and forgotten’. Like as if I blacked out and killed. I would never kill , it’s not who I am. But the ocd got the better of me. I needed reassurance and the psychologist strategies didn’t work. So I went to the barber shop where the man was and I tried to hide my ocd to not look weird ( part of us know it’s bs in our head), I said to the barber, I was called a slut yesterday and I want to make sure it was your customer and not a worker. I asked him if he saw the ‘big fight’ I had and he said he was so busy on Xmas Eve that he didn’t see anything. That didn’t reassure me enough. He showed me pics of his workers and I said - no it’s not them, must have been a rude customer. I also said my son comes here for hair cuts so I wanted to make sure.
Then I called the cops. I knew it was wrong but I had too. They came to my house only to tell me that I didn’t kill anyone and that I need to see my psychologist. It’s been about 2 weeks and I still have thoughts that I did something wrong but I need to believe the police.
Ocd is literally bs

You are dealing with something that is especially menacing to a thoughtful person. The fact that you are on here, reaching out for help, is a clue that you have never and will never do anything of the kind.

IMO, what you are experiencing is an especially cruel form of OCD. You see, it strikes you where you are most vulnerable. OCD hits you where it hurts. Harming another person is obviously not in your makeup. The thought disgusts you. And that, my friend, is why your unwanted thoughts are concentrating on such a thing.

I have been dealing with OCD, anxiety in general and depression for a long, long time. Hang in there, I am.

It just feels so real mentally sometimes...

I feel like I'm turning into a monster... I've been told I need to derail my thoughts when it comes to this, but it's a little like telling me not to think about elephants; All I'll be able to think is the elephants I'm supposed to distract myself from.

I watched a couple of documentary videos on YouTube about some messed up dark web stuff... Probably shouldn't have. I don't know what I expected...

Hi,
I used to google stuff to reassure myself that I haven’t seen something bad and forgotten.
You are placing emphasis on a thought and torturing yourself. I snapped out of these thoughts when a real problem in my life occurred and that was my daughter getting sick.
You are not interested in Children and like your psych said ‘distract yourself’. They are just thoughts.
Suzie