POCD has ruined me, and I can’t fight it anymore.

Its driven me nuts, and I’ve come to a dangerous realization. I’ve been dealing with POCD for a year and a half and I think I’m just a pedophile at this point. I don’t want anything to do with children and I am deathly afraid of being around them but I realize that children can be pretty, like have cute faces and that I observe them and think “they have a cute face” the same way I would think of an adult my age. Whether this is because humans are naturally inclined to neotenous traits or because I am a pedophile I don’t know, but I am afraid of typing this because I believe that I am and that i am admitting it to all of you.

Its driving me nuts and I can’t take it anymore and I just want certainty. is observing a trait as aesthetically pleasing in a child indicative of pedophilia? Can you become a pedophile if you were previously had normal sexual preferences? Whats worse is that my mind had become hyper sensitive to the idea of attraction that I think I am seeing it in all things, and it doesnt help that what I am naturally attracted to does not give me as much as a visceral reaction as what triggers my OCD.

Its gotten to a point where I believe I have become a pedophile and I don’t want to be. What makes it worse is that i can’t use it as definitive because there are pedophiles who don’t want pedophiles or in denial or something like that and I don’t know if I am just lying to myself.

I need help.

Hey!
You are NOT a pedophile. I had these same thoughts for 5 years! What a waste of 5 years! Pedophiles are attracted to children and we are not. We have ocd. Ocd picks a thought so against who we are to obsess over. They are just thoughts.
Your post reminded me of how I was years ago. Now I know that it was a waste or time and unnecessary torment.
*mod edit*
YOU ARE NOT A PEDOPHILE. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!
Suzie xx