Feels like I'm slipping (POCD)

Once again, I'm struggling with my fear that I might be attracted to little girls' v*lvas. It feels so horrifically real at times, and I've been having moments where it feels like I genuinely want to think p*do thoughts. I'm so depressed. My mom keeps telling me that I'm not that way, and I want to believe that. It's just so hard when you live with thoughts like these in your head all the time. I hate being the way I am, and I often wish something bad would happen to me.