I am about done suffering

I cannot take this anymore, my teenage years should be fun and filled with opportunity. But nope, I have to deal with this fear of possibly being a pedophile, I cannot take these ######6 intrusive thoughts anymore, I am tired of checking and getting groina responses sometimes, I don't want to hurt anyone, I am scared, I know I am only into girls my age and women. I cannot enjoy any TV shows without telling myself I am not a pedophile. I literally cannot laugh at a funny scene in a show without a intrusive thought popping up, I hate this. The checking is terror, I always check before I go jack off to my normal to go porn site(YouPorn, and many other sites) sometimes the groinal responses are too much and I masturbate... I felt disgusted afterwards, I felt like a monster, I don't want to be a pedophile. I would rather shoot myself then be one or hurt a innocent child! I am only into women and I know that, I cannot take this $#%^ anymore, am I a pedo? I would at least want to know before I kill myself. Or is it my OCD? I always masturbate to adult women porn, but those groinal responses at those times, I couldn't wait to find the correct Hitomi Tanaka or Abella Danger video and I just... Oh my god... I can't live with this or myself anymore...

About the groinal responses, that incident happened when I was 12/13. But now when I remember I feel so disgusted and guilty. Is it just my OCD scaring me?

I am so scared I will start masturbating to such awful thoughts or begin masturbating while checking. I don't want to become one of those sick monsters.. I am only 16... I am into women not kids! I don't enjoy checking those images to make sure, they are gross. But sometimes I can't take any longer to find a porn vid to watch, does this make me a monster? I am scared, I don't want to be one of those monsters!

Hi there, I’m sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I can tell you are under incredible distress right now.

You need to get yourself to an OCD therapist ASAP so that they can help you overcome this.

The number one treatment for OCD is CBT with ERP which is a psychological therapy where a person slowly exposes themselves to their fear. It is best done with a professional therapist.

Maybe get a book about OCD recovery so you can develop and understanding before you start therapy but good therapy is paramount to recovery in most cases

I suffer POCD too but my primary fear is about transsexualism and that is what troubles me the most. I can relate to the panic you feel and the possibility it could be true which is so so scary.

I hope things get better for you as I see you’re in immense pain right now

FreshGuy wrote:Hi there, I’m sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I can tell you are under incredible distress right now.

You need to get yourself to an OCD therapist ASAP so that they can help you overcome this.

The number one treatment for OCD is CBT with ERP which is a psychological therapy where a person slowly exposes themselves to their fear. It is best done with a professional therapist.

Maybe get a book about OCD recovery so you can develop and understanding before you start therapy but good therapy is paramount to recovery in most cases

I suffer POCD too but my primary fear is about transsexualism and that is what troubles me the most. I can relate to the panic you feel and the possibility it could be true which is so so scary.

I hope things get better for you as I see you’re in immense pain right now

Thanks for the advice, but my worst fear is if my OCD is gone, I might start jacking off to kids instead of women.. The groinal response experiences freak me out too much, should I just get catastration so I don't become one? I dont ever to be a pedo. The very thought of it makes me sick. I feel suicide is the only way out to prevent me from becoming a pedophile or starting to masturbate to children. I read pedos can be attracted to both kids and adults and that freaks me out more? Should I just end it all and kill myself? I just want a normal teenage life, I've been dealing with POCD on and off since I was 12 years old, barely hit puberty then.

And when I did accidentally masturbate to those groinal responses I always felt horrible guilt, disgust, and shame afterwards.(note I was 11-13 then when that happened) I never think or see anything Sexual in children, but I am always afraid I was a pedophile back then and I might become one again. The thought I even masturbated and gave in to those groinal responses sickens me, pedophiles sicken me in general. If I ever was a pedophile I would kill myself. And I feel I should so I wouldn't ever harm a child, or masturbate to the thought or image of one. I only am into women and am a porn addict, but I feel I this isn't OCD, or is it OCD trying to scare me?

Well if you were 11 then you were still a child at the time so it makes sense to fancy people that are also children. When I was a child and early teenager I had crushes on people who were my age

I don’t think it’s possible for an 11 year old to be a paedophile as they are a child themself. I am not an expert on the topic though.

Hopefully some one else can chime in that has more knowledge than me.

I’m sorry to hear you’re suicidal, you are clearly very distressed over all of this and I hate to see you in so much pain as dealing with intrusive thoughts is awful.

Your final question about is OCD trying to scare you, the answer is yes. That is what OCD does, it terrifies people with the most awful thoughts and ideas

FreshGuy wrote:Well if you were 11 then you were still a child at the time so it makes sense to fancy people that are also children. When I was a child and early teenager I had crushes on people who were my age

I don’t think it’s possible for an 11 year old to be a paedophile as they are a child themself. I am not an expert on the topic though.

Hopefully some one else can chime in that has more knowledge than me.

I’m sorry to hear you’re suicidal, you are clearly very distressed over all of this and I hate to see you in so much pain as dealing with intrusive thoughts is awful.

Your final question about is OCD trying to scare you, the answer is yes. That is what OCD does, it terrifies people with the most awful thoughts and ideas

You are right, I am sorry if I bothered you. I hope I can get over this OCD soon.

Horrible wrote:You are right, I am sorry if I bothered you. I hope I can get over this OCD soon.

This is a peer-support forum, we are here to talk about these things, it is not a 'bother'.